LastBestAngryManToyReview

Defense of Cobra Island

2009-07-29T22:12:00.010-04:00

So you'll notice that we here at LBAMToyreview have a flexible definition of "tomorrow," which is when it was stated that reviews of the Defense of Cobra Island pack would appear.

Mistakes were made. Schedules were not considered. People have been sacked. Trust us.

One note: this review is not going to include the Alley Viper, since he has already been covered in detail in this space. Now, onto the reviews!

Dr. Mindbender.

Either the 1980s really were a more innocent time, or the folks who designed this were shocked when it got approved.

Look, a host of jokes present themselves, ok? But they're all either too easy or bordering on homophobic, and LBAMToyreview is better than that. It is impossible not to point out that the silver...thing...Dr. Mindbender carries answers rather too easily to the word "probe."

Haff you been naughty? Ve know you haff. No mustache ride! Only ze probe!

Ok, so maybe this blog isn't above some of the easy jokes. But in all seriousness, is there any chance a guy this ripped, dressed as he is, wouldn't be welcome in your friendly neighborhood BDSM club?

Of course, ultimately the question that needs answering is whether Mindbender is a good figure. He is, with a well-sculpted, iconic face, nicely detailed chest straps (props to CompulsiveCollector

for demonstrating the no fuss way to get his straps to sit straight on his torso) and a throwback soft cape. I tend to prefer the harder capes for durability and quality reasons...this small, these soft capes never really fall or fold well...but this works well enough for a classic Mindbender update. Where exactly does an orthodontist who performs groundbreaking research
into the use of electronically induced hypnosis, only to have it go horribly wrong and turn him into
a diabolical genius find enough hours in the day to get this ripped?

You know, as silly as Mindbender's backstory might seem...it is really just as I described in that rambling block of text up there stretching the limits of the term 'caption'...is it really so much weirder than that of dozens of other comic book villains? I doubt it. Mindbender does seem to be that catch-all "scientist" that sci-fi media tends to use; he's an orthodontist by trade who also knows enough about genetics to clone an ultimate leader out of the DNA of history's greatest leaders, he's a genius roboticist who created the Cobra B.A.T.s, and he can create weaponized vines...that's a pretty impressive resume.

I love that the back of the harness...which you wouldn't ordinarily see...has this much work put into it. I really do. Enough of my yakkin'. On with the ratings.
LBAM Rating: 8.7. Good, not thrilling, a solid reuse of existing parts with new head. In need of more accessories.

Lamprey

For my money, this guy wins "best of the 7 pack, non Alley Viper category" all day long. Mindbender has his uses, the Night Creeper is sweet, the Range Viper is better than expected...but the Lamprey takes the cake. He just oozes danger and competence. The translucent blue visor is the kind of detail I just love.

He also features a surprising amount of new tooling (at least I think it's new) for his SMG, sidearm, vest, backpack, hoses, and even upper torso...I can't think of any other 25th figure with that sculpted gorget-type thing around the neck. He's just a badass. I'm not sure why I love this figure so very much, but I do. I expected the entire helmet to be removable, given that the quite-similar-lamprey type figure in black and red for the Rise of Cobra line appears to have a removable helmet, but it hardly hurts the overall appearance or use of the figure.

Were he single carded, I'd be buying the hell out of him, especially in these classic colors.
LBAM Rating: 9.5/10. Not quite the Alley Viper, but a damn fine figure.

Air Viper

Why do I already own 3 Air Vipers? There's no excuse. It's a fine enough figure, but there is no reason for him to see three separate releases...four, soon, with the advent of Target RoC exclusives...so quickly. I am all for reusing, repainting, etc. But I don't need to own any more of these guys.
LBAM Rating: 7/10. Nice. Not thrilling, but nice. Cobra Pilots are always less interesting figures to me than are Cobra ground-pounders or Cobra naval troopers. Not sure why.

Cobra BAT

I am ALL for battle-damaged robots. Battle damaged robots create ambience in flair in a collection. I dig it. Quick question, though; why, if the regular carded BAT could have a nifty black paint wash on his extremities, does this guy, who has clearly seen better days, have shiny, shiny metal limbs. Did he just break out a polishing kit in the middle of a firefight? The black wash would've made this figure complete. Sure, I CAN give it one on my own...and I probably will...but c'mon. Still, the battle damage is sweet.

That is craftsmanship right there, dammnit. I also dig that he comes with the first-comic appearance backpack, spores, and vines...but I also wouldn't mind if all the other B.A.T. limbs came with it as well.
LBAM Rating: 8.9. A black wash makes it a 10. Also, mine came with a spare head but not a spare chestplate, and I have heard some chatter that others had spare chestplates. Anything to that?

Night Creeper

That is a man's crossbow right there. Early Cuyler would kill to hang that thing on the rack on his truck-boat-truck.

Despite the presence of several shades of purple, the Night Creeper is a man's ninja. Really a great update to the classic, though I wouldn't mind seeing different arms, I can live with the Flint arms. The crossbow really makes the figure. I mean honestly.

Seriously, I think Sgt. Detritus might carry that thing. If you got both references, congratulations...you are just as big a geek as I am.

Anyway, this figure harkens to the very end of my childhood G.I. Joe collecting/playing and is somehow extra nostalgic for that fact. He really is a terrific update, and I look forward to opportunities to round out my ranks of Night Creepers.
LBAM Rating: 9.2/10

Range Viper

The above was the best picture of the Range Viper I took. Point? I took some seriously shitty pictures the other night. Ah well.

Well, alright...this one is better. Regardless, this is a really well made fig. I should've given a close up of the skull mask (beneath which lurks a blue Beachhead head) and in his hand there is a Marauder, Inc. grenade launcher, not his standard issue. I recommend it for all grenade launcher needs. If I'm looking at it right, this figure really needed very little new tooling to be an awesome new figure. It's well done. What else do you want? Not every figure lends itself to cheap jokes about anal probes, ok?

LBAM Rating: 9/10

Well, that wraps up the Cobra Island 7-packs. With any luck, and a steady supply of beer, I may get some more Rise of Cobra reviews up this week.

Cobra Island 7-Packs!

2009-07-21T23:34:00.014-04:00

I'm sure most of us remember lingering over the catalog photos of toys we wanted as kids; in the Sears "Wishbook" or a Christmas circular from the local toy store (which is itself a relic of bygone days). I know I'd stare at the stuff so hard it was like I could actually wish it into existence.

I think that's how all G.I. Joe Collectors have felt since February, when the Assault and Defense of Cobra Island 7-packs were announced at ToyFair 2009. And now they've finally...finally...arrived. Rather oddly, it took just shy of forever for them to even go up for pre-order at most sites, yet when they did, they arrived and shipped out almost immediately. At any rate, today, happiness...or something like it...arrived via UPS.

The 7-packs as a whole are just pure and total win. The Joe pack brings a fantastic assortment of fan favorite new figures, with but a single previously released fig in the bunch...and in new colors that can pass for a Night Force version.

The Cobra pack offers just the one new character along with 6-troop builders, and I find the assortment slightly puzzling. I mean, did we really need the opportunity to buy 3 different releases of Strato-Vipers/Air-Vipers in the past month? I know I didn't.

I'll try to keep my remarks quick for each figure, since there are so many to get through, and knowing me, if I don't do them all at once, right now, I never will. To wit:

Recondo

So, Recondo, summarized; stache is wicked, wrapped rifle is nostalgic, and a well detailed new sculpt that I failed to take a decent picture of. The well-sculpted, removable boonie hat is a fantastic touch, and while I wish that he still had a watch on his left wrist, the mix of parts (Dusty torso, fixed-Duke arms) works all together. All in all, I dig this figure quite a bit, though I am not totally bowled over by it. I would buy a Tiger Force repaint, however.

Haven't decided whether to keep him equipped with this rifle and try to paint it a bit, or issue him a Marauder M-14. Thoughts?
LBAM Rating: 8.0

Outback

There is an intense air of "do not fuck with this man" coming off this face sculpt.

I think I like this version of Outback better than the one that came with the Flak Cannon, maybe because I love me some sub-teams, and this is as close to a Night Force Outback we're ever going to get.

Love the removable flashlight, love that he comes with a backpack, that I have also failed to take decent pictures of. The flashlight, when held, does leave an unsightly gash in his leg, to wit;

LBAM Rating: 8.9

Hit and Run

Hit&Run was probably my favorite, favorite figure of my later phase of Joe collecting as a kid. There was just a more realistic feel about him, and the gear he came with was top-notch. While I quite like this new Hit&Run...I mean, come ON, it's a 25th Anniversary HIT&RUN, PEOPLE!...the gear he comes isn't what I wish it were. I mean, I doubt the tooling for his old duffel&knife are around anywhere, but I would've loved to see an approximation of them. Airborne's backpack+grappling hook don't quite get it done, if you ask me.
They do work, mind you...but they just lack the cool factor of his duffel. And of course I've already given him a Marauder M4.

LBAM Rating: 8.8. The green IS a little too bright, but I genuinely like this figure.

Ripcord

Your stand says "Spc. Altitude," but we know you're really Ripcord.

They said they wouldn't do it. And in a sense, I suppose, Hasbro can continue to say that they didn't, in fact, do it...but this is Ripcord. They didn't manage to give him his FN Fal rifle, but the camo is right, the gear is close enough...it loses a little given that the hose doesn't connect to anything, but just sort of hangs there. The wrap-around parachute gear is pretty sweet, but doesn't seem likely to come off without removing his legs.
I already issued him a Marauder Inc G36 to replace what he came with...his right hand has been so stretched out by being packed holding onto the rifle that it's nearly impossible to get anything without an enormous handle in there. Fun fact: as a kid, I insisted my figures hold their primary weapons in their right hands. Because I'm right-handed, you see. I've gotten over that. Mostly.
The helmet doesn't look so good without the face mask on. Helmet sort of crowds the face.

This headsculpt perhaps makes him look a bit too old.

Not a lot of gear, but a great figure. I mean, c'mon, it is classic Ripcord. Yet the fanboys will continue to bitch, no matter how much great stuff Hasbro turns out.

Wet-Suit

I do not care if he was originally planned as Diver Duke or what.

It looks like Wet-Suit. I don't care if the helmet isn't precisely right. He could use the flashlight, but I might have one of those hanging around somewhere. He, of course, needed his silly speargun replaced with something more functional; he's not going fishing.

Love this figure, absolutely stoked that it actually had a new headsculpt; I expected to see just another Torpedo face, which I am downright sick of. When you throw the new straps across the body, it's comes across as an entirely different fig. Love it.
LBAM Rating:9.8/10

Chuckles

There are two minor miracles at play here; the fact that a Chuckles figure came out at all, and the fact that I bought it. Blame G.I. Joe: Cobra, the good-to-excellent G.I. Joe comic from IDW, which made the character interesting for the first time. I feel like Hasbro kind of missed the boat on this one, though. Initially, there were pictures of a darker-shirted Chuckles that looked much snazzier than what we got. I kind of dig the headsculpt; he looks like a dickweed from an SEC school. That's kind of how I picture Chuckles anyway.

But the accessories are lacking, and the hands are pure and total fail.

They worked on Spirit. They kinda-sorta worked on Mainframe, but on Chuckles, it's just a disaster. I'm not sure why he has gloved hands at all, or why he has these gloved hands. I'm tempted to go pick up another Sgt. Stone figure from the Rise of Cobra line and swap his hands; he has fantastic gloved hands (and is a great figure, but that's for another day).

His only firearm is a resounding "meh." And I'd prefer him not to have a leg with a knife-sheath on it; he's supposed to be an undercover operative. Undercover operatives might carry briefcases or satchels but not great bloody big knives on their legs. I mean honestly.

Ultimately the gear he comes with is pretty useless, and his hands need replacing. Not sure what I'm going to do about all that, but I'll figure something out. And finally, I don't think there is any excuse for non-functional shoulder holsters anymore. There just isn't.
LBAM Rating: 7.8. Still a lot of potential here.

Zap

Homerun. That's the only word for it. Zap is straight out of the damn park.

LBAM Rating: 10. Probably the best-sculpted and most interesting of the "greenshirt" contingent of the original 13. Perfect.

Of course, I can't find his damn helmet. It's in the study/toy-room somewhere but I'll be damned if I can find it.

I'll get to the Cobra figures tomorrow; too late to deal with 'em now.

Rise of Cobra strikes early in Delaware!

2009-07-02T21:29:00.015-04:00

Picked up some RoC toys early here in DE and rushed, RUSHED, breathlessly, without stopping to eat or rest or speak to the Official Wife or pet the Official Cats, to get my fellow nerds amateurish pictures and my own sophomoric thoughts on them! Huzzah!

Cobra Gunship

The Cobra Gunship. I apologize that I just could not seem to figure out a way to get a decent full shot of the thing. These pictures are, admittedly, rushed. But this thing has a really streamlined, near-future feel. And for those of you complaining (I can hear you!) that this thing wouldn't fly, that it looks like a helicopter missing its rotor, I ask you to explain how this, this, or this would fly, then tell me again how Rise of Cobra is destroying everything that was ever good about G.I. Joe. The armament on here is a little sparse; these two missiles, some bombs, and one forward gun, so it doesn't quite live up to the name "Gunship." Even so, it has plenty of neat features.

Unfortunately, the pilot isn't one of them. Why they chose a basic Firefly mold, slapped some new webgear and a helmet on, I don't know, especially considering Firefly is already getting a release as a TRU exclusive. This figure is not inspiring. The webgear is nice, and the tubes hook into spots in the cockpit. But why not put it on some MARS trooper or Neo-Viper type figure? Can't answer that one.

The cockpit IS pretty nicely detailed for a Joe vehicle; a decal or some color wouldn't hurt, though. The decals/color for this gunship are a little under par; it is almost a flat gray, the decals are all clear with red symbols or writing, the missiles and bombs are red. While it is sleek, some highlights, some paint, some black would look pretty great here or there. What IS good about it? The overall look and design, and the passenger compartment.

Who could the mystery passenger be?!?

Plenty of space back there for troops, for VIPs, what have you. I would really like it if there was some kind of gun emplacement that popped out; in fact, in the earliest pictures I thought that's what the purpose of the door was, but I'll take the passenger space, and the possibility for neat poses/dio shots it offers.

Mile high club? You better believe it.

Overall, the best thing this vehicle has going is its futuristic design. Unlike many Cobra vehicles, it looks lethal and advanced, not like something a bad sci-fi writer dreamt up on a coke binge.

LBAM Rating: 8.5/10. I may, if I feel brave, take some paint to this to try and create some highlights. I mistrust my skill level; I am much more comfortable painting in the 15mm scale, where my errors are all but invisible to the naked eye. I'd say this is definitely worth getting, especially for army builders, where it has a modicum of versatility as both an assault aircraft and a transport.

Steel Crusher APV

A sign of purest evil.

We here at LBAMtoyreview have long believed that those civilians who choose to drive Hummers are simply and effectively declaring that they do not give a crap about their fellow man, not those that share the road with them, nor, indeed, those who merely share the planet (we carefully point out that those driving Hummers in a military, police, or rescue capacity are not lumped herein). Driving one of these by choice is effectively displaying an upraised middle finger to the rest of the species, and in theory the LBAM, of course, has zero problem with flipping most of the rest of the species the bird. At any rate, Cobra has come along to prove our suspicions correct.

Thankfully, of course, this Hummer is merely a toy, and a fantastic one, at that, with loads of playability and coolness built in.

Ninja fights atop speeding armored vehicles=PLAYABILITY!!

I love this vehicle. I would've loved it as a kid. What is not to love? It is large, threatening, armed, armored, has solid rubber tires and fantastic detailing. I would have beat the hell out of this thing running it into other vehicles as a kid. Actually, judging from its heft, it is more likely I would've been beating the hell out of other vehicles and/or the wall. It would have been a key component of running firefights, and many a Cobra operative would've met their death firing madly from behind the doors.

If the Lethal Weapon series has taught us nothing else, it's that car doors=adequate cover from gunfire of all caliber.

Hidden missiles, as seen on TV.

Thank you MTV!

This is a solid 10, no doubt about it. Great vehicle. The "Nitro-Viper" isn't the most thrilling figure, and he could really use a few more paint applications, but the rating is for the vehicle, not the driver. A cautionary note: the decal sheets for these two vehicles did NOT come numbered, and in the case of the Steel Crusher, there are some decals that are just about indistinguishable from one another when printed in black and white, as on the instructions. I think I misapplied a few; care and patience is warranted.
LBAM Rating: 10/10

Storm Shadow

Even now, I take aim at your favorite international monument.

Storm Shadow, pictured above with his Eiffel Tower blow-uppy rocket launcher gizawhatzit. It's actually a pretty sharp little number, and if we hadn't already seen, in trailers, Storm Shadow blowing hell out of the Eiffel Tower with that very weapon, I'd wonder why it was packed with him and not Destro or Baroness or something similar, since it has a high-tech feel. At any rate, this Storm Shadow is a snazzy looking figure who comes loaded for bear. He's got the aforementioned gizawhatzit, the claw, a pistol, and, of course, his two swords.

No, it is NOT the first time he's wielded a gun.

Those of you who are thinking it is, go read your Marvel Comics; Storm Shadow toted firearms in some of his earliest appearances in the comic. As for the cartoon, well...screw the cartoon. I don't care if he ever carried a firearm in that. Now, as for the figure itself, and not its accessories, yes, the skirt does impede some of his movement. It is a spectacular sculpt, all the moreso considering that almost purely in white, and the sculpt itself is the only way to transmit detail. The tiniest splash of silver on a belt buckle and the Cobra emblem are the only splashes of color. This figure deserves a place in any Storm Shadow fan's collection, because it really brings his look into the 21st century.

Also, he's a frickin' badass, and the Arashikage hexagrams are on both swords. Awesome.

Overall Rating: 9/10. Loses a point for the restricted mobility, but the accessories (uh, minus the weird ninja-star launcher thinger) and the sculpt earn serious points.

Snake Eyes

At this point, you either LIKE the Snake-Eyes look for the film (many facesculpts have had mouths, going back to v2 in 1985, so get over it) or you decided early on you hate it, and nothing will ever budge a bitchy fanboy once he's made up his mind, so I won't bother trying. It's a good figure, maybe not quite as great as the Hall of Heroes w/Timber version, but better than the DVD pack, better than the 2nd Joe 5 pack, really one of the best, plain and simple. He's flexible, posable, playable, well detailed, well sculpted...everything I want in a Snake Eyes figure, AND he's got two different ways to mount his sword on his back. I, er...forgot to take pictures of either of them. But there's a slot on his gunbelt/webgear and slots in his backpack, either of which work just fine.

He also has a rather smallish Uzi that I will probably call upon Marauder Inc to replace, and, of course, the launcher. I will address the launcher this time; as a kid, I would absolutely have found ways to play with the one Snake-Eyes is packed with. Why?

ZIPLINE, that's why!

Without question, despite its outsized proportions (see below), this would've become SE's preferred method of insertion when I was playing with my Joes as a kid. Hell, there's an outside chance I've played with it once or twice already (guilty) seeing what kind of hold it can get and how well it bears a Joe figure's weight (not very, middling). Still, the ultimate point is, I can see the appeal of this particular launcher (not ALL of them, but this and some others) to kids. It might not be the sole reason, but it would be a reason.

Rating: 9.5/10. The uzi is a little disappointing. Sword could use paint app on the hexagram. Otherwise, stellar. Remember - the launchers do not factor into the rating, even this one, which I admit to enjoying.

Duke

This is probably the most REAL ASS Duke ever made, including the super badass Resolute version. I love it. Night vision on the helmet. Even his weapons aren't bad, but I can't wait to see how he'll look with others.

REAL ASS

More launcher discussion, so skip ahead if it glazes your eyes: at least they tried to model Duke's launcher on a real rocket launcher. It is still enormous and the figure looks ridiculous posed with it. To wit:

Nerd! Shoot it, SHOOT IT!

Yes, it's taller, when loaded, than Duke is.

There is also, of course, the matter of the facial sculpt.

Chicks dig scars.

It seems pretty spot on in person, honestly. Ultimately I can see this figure being really popular with army-builders, for simple headswaps to make desert-themed units. If you want one, buy it the first time you see it, I'd say (of course, there'll probably be scads of them available all summer, so what do I know?)

LBAM Rating: 10/10. A great Duke figure, regardless of how well or poorly Tatum fares in the film.

Neo-Viper

When I first glimpsed bits of it, I wasn't terribly thrilled with the film's look for the Neo-Vipers. Over time, it has grown on me. Pictures of the various versions of him on the net have whetted my appetite. Finally, when I saw it in package, I was blown away; it defied my expectations.

I can just feel the intense, blistering waves of 'fuck off' coming from beneath that mask.

Yes, it is a big departure from the original Viper or Neo-Viper look; recall, though, that Neo-Vipers have been around since what, 2002? And boy, did that figure suck. At any rate, if change doesn't frighten you, this figure is awesome. It threatens, but it also means fucking business, ok? I am not totally in love with his weapons, but I am in love with the fact that they neatly stow on his backpack, so even if I give him some kind of replacement rifle, they are likely to stay in place.
LBAM Rating: 10/10. Blew me away. Considered going back and buying the rest of them, but will hold off till more flavors of Neo-Viper are available.

James McCullen Destro XXIV...

...is a badass.

Look, any regular readers of this space know the LBAM has an unconcealed, nonsexual man-crush on Destro. This figure is no different. It rocks. Good articulation that is not really hampered by the hanging 'skirt' of his jacket (see above pics for him sitting). He has stowable weapons. And he has probably the best face-sculpt any Destro figure ever has.

It took popping the head off to reassure myself that the mask wasn't removable. It is that convincing.

This figure is getting a 10. We all know that. When has this blog not given a Destro figure a 10?
Maybe it isn't quite as great as the I.G. Destro, but that is still my #1 or 2 figure of the 25th Anniversary line. The rifle he carries is a little unwieldy, and I'm uncertain of the point of the rifle breaking into two pieces, but it can be stowed, the shoulder rig is sweet, and the suit has a "battlefield formal" feel to it.
LBAM Rating: 10/10. Like you didn't see that coming.
Bonus fact: Each character's truncated file card lists a "preferred weapon." Destro's is apparently the "High Oxidizing Temperature flamethrower." Yes, really.

Baroness

I didn't get any good closeups on the face. It's not the best facesculpt Baroness has ever had. I don't find it as objectionable as a bunch of others, and I don't think it's the worst. Leave the glasses on, it's fine. The figure otherwise is solid; I love the way the handguns peg into her legs, I dig the briefcase with its snazzy MARS logo.
I also dig that it is functional.

ZOMG! Nanomites!

LBAM Rating: 8/10. I look forward to future Baroness figures from this line. I think there's room for improvement in what is already a solid figure.

ALLEY VIPER!!!

2009-05-22T19:35:00.006-04:00

That's right, LBAMToyreview is back and has gone to extreme lengths to bring you cutting edge reviews on product that isn't even out yet.*

And, perhaps, to taunt you a little, because I have the Alley Viper and you don't.

Let me just say that sometimes, the world is everything it is talked up to be by the smiling morning people I occasionally associate with. Sometimes, just sometimes, all our expectations are met, or exceeded. Sometimes, in fact, life is what you want it to be.

This is pretty much one of those times. It would not be a stretch to say that the Alley Viper has revived my ever-tenuous faith in humanity, at least for a little while. Note that since this role is usually filled by Scotch, spending money to get a pre-release Alley Viper shipped from China is not only healthier, but cheaper. So there's that.

Shields are always practical.

The Alley Viper is just crazy badass. I recommend storing him in a separate room from your other toys lest he start fucking them up for sport. It goes without saying that he deserves to be displayed loose, in quantity, and in as many dynamic poses as possible.

Just try to keep me boxed. It's not possible.

He comes with a preposterous amount of gear. I'm not entirely sure that this guy is complete, because he has two knife sheaths and but one knife, but I can work around that.

The weight of all that gear is counterbalanced by the enormous, ironclad balls it takes to wear orange and blue in combat.

Regular readers of LBAMToyreview know I believe, when it comes to Joe figures, the more accessories the better. The absolute best figures, however, provide a means for the figure to carry all his gear. The Alley Viper scores on both points. We're looking at an SMG, a grapple-gun, a nightstick, a shield, and (potentially) two knives. He can carry all of it, all at once. Hallelujah.

I want to find the designer who said "let's give him a nightstick AND a place to put it" and hug him/her.

And then, of course, there's the grapple gun. As a kid I used to make great use of an "imaginary" grapple gun that allowed the Alley Viper to do all kinds of wacky stuff, but I always dreamt of having an actual removable grapple launcher. I dream no more.

The only thing I can possibly nitpick about this figure, however, is related to the grapple gun. Mostly that the fit of it into the backpack is extremely finicky. When you pick the figure up, it will fall off. When the AC turns on, it will fall of. Cat walks by, it falls. Door opens, it falls. Earthquake 4 states away, falls. Moon rises, it falls. I'm pretty sure when the Large Hadron Collider powers up this fall, the grapple gun will hit the floor. It is possible to get it on there, but basically you have to press it in and hope for the best. It's also possible that this fig is not quite the final production model, as it's got some marker writing on the back and some very slightly sloppy paint apps, so maybe the pack that hits this fall will be different. I don't pretend to know for sure, but I think most of us are going to be sticking it on there and holding our breath.

Complain about it too much, though, and he will beat your head down between your ass cheeks.

All in all, I can't give this figure anything other than a perfect ten. It is a perfect 25th Anniversary G.I. Joe Alley Viper.

For the detail obsessed, this figure uses a lot of SE V3; torso, upper legs, and I believe modified upper arms (it's got some of the same details, some different). New lower legs, new lower arms, and obviously new gear (not sure if I've seen the nightstick before; I don't think it's the same nightstick as the Steel Brigade 6 pack, but I'm not going digging to find out). The helmet, it is worth noting, is made out of a softish and flexible plastic, which I like, as it molds well around the head and reduces the possibility of chipping the figure. Now, for your edification, a couple of comparison shots.

Quite frankly, this figure just about represents the apotheosis of the current Joe line. I can't wait to see the ways the hate-what-they-love Fanboys are going to invent to complain about it, though. My money's on "should've been single-carded," when, frankly, so much new tooling has gone into this figure it is bound to show up again somewhere. We'll have our chances. Even now I am calculating just how many I can buy before my wife delivers me an "Alley Viper or me" ultimatum.

*Lengths mostly consist of not telling the Official Wife of LBAM how much it cost.

Post in which a Highly Educated Adult Plays with Toys

2009-02-26T22:15:00.008-05:00

In a past post...just scroll down to Resolute and Vehicles...the LBAM made certain claims regarding his desire to run the Sting Raider around on his carpet making "bbbrrfwooosh" noises. Friend of LBAM Soul Kerfuffle admitted that he would in fact pay money to see video of this. Far be it from me to pass up any opportunity to make money off of my hobbies. In that vein I present the following three pieces of cinema; "Bbbbrrrfwooosh," and "Bbbbrrrfwooosh Redux"

The People You Meet on Toy Collecting Boards, Part the Second

2009-03-19T21:05:00.003-04:00

8. The Gun Nut

Prone to posting alarmist articles linking to horrible misinterpretation of impending legislation regarding firearms. Absolutely terrified that the new Libr'l president is coming to take his guns away, and by God, he will start the revolution then. This guy's reactionary roots come out when he posts his views on the inclusion of a black actor with the name of a a minor secondary comic character in the upcoming GI Joe film. It doesn't take a great thinker to realize how these guys end up on toy boards dedicated to collecting little plastic army men. That doesn't make it any less creepy when their avatar is a shooting weapon, or every post is followed by some obscure quote about ownership of teflon coated bullets and automatic weapons is a God given right, or the delusion that owning a locker full of rifles and handguns is going to allow them to overthrow the government. This guy also tends to believe that the Amero is real. Ultimately, many of these guys are also really afraid of the fact that there is a president with darker skin than them.

9. The Big Spender

This guy tends to take two forms; there's the new collector who either has a lot of disposable income or is just burying himself in credit card debt that he'll never be able to pay off. Then there's the longtime veteran collector who is prone to dropping statements indicating that it is just not possible to take another collector seriously unless he's spending four to six thousand dollars a year on toys. The former has massive piles of new toys, many many multiples of recently released items, enormous armies, dozens of vehicles, while the latter is busy trying to complete a collection of possibly every single article even remotely related to GI Joe. Both never fail to point out how much money they have.

10. The Specialist

This guy is into completing some weird collection, like Polish bootlegs or prototypes or every character that appeared in a 13 issue arc of a comic series from 1987-1988. Inexplicable.

11. The Secretist

This guy is such an uber elite super collector that he doesn't even share photos of his collection online, go to conventions, participate on message boards, or generally seem to enjoy the hobby at all. In fact, it may seem as though he doesn't participate in it, if it weren't for the acolytes who speak in hushed tones about their massive, special collections, the contents of which they dare not share with others. Given the hush hush surrounding their collection, they may very well be collecting rare editions of the Necronomicon.

12. The Guardian

Have no fear, this guy is out there abusing customer service folks and trying to bust repackers for all he's worth. Actual garbled quote from one, claiming what he'd do if he saw a repacker in action: "it's time to go to the men's room and do the who's more badass dance."

Really? You're gonna start a fight over toys? Really? Statements like that lead me to believe the dude has never been in an actual fight.

These guys are also prone to take every single busted package they see to customer service and are positively baffled, BAFFLED, when the $7/hour retail employee doesn't take the time to learn all the various character names and why this product isn't right. Then they get moral indignation and outrage, even more so if anyone points out to them that there is no reason to expect low-wage employees to pay that much attention to toys they don't care about nearly as much as the Guardian does.

These guys also go nuts about bent cards and such, and go on to make false analogies about toy packaging being a necessary and integral part of the product.

Also prone to suggesting that Hasbro start putting barcodes on products, or start using foil seals and the like. When told that serial numbers and scanner codes identifying each product with the appropriate box would cause Wal-Mart to tell Hasbro to piss off, they somehow convince themselves it's a good thing.

Perhaps more later.

Some Toys that Aren't GI Joe!

2009-03-02T20:56:00.007-05:00

Marvel Universe figures are awesome. I really feel like they are Marvel Legends hit with a shrink ray; I know in some cases the articulation doesn't quite match up to many of those larger figs, but at the same time, some of the Marvel Legends suffered from too much articulation. Some figures had some very funky arms with weird armpit ball joints that did not look good (two-pack Daredevil, for example), and some were so full of joints that they had perpetual hunchback. Many of the female figures, especially Psylocke, genuinely looked awful because they had so many joints built in everywhere. No such problem with these. To wit

The Good

The Bad

The Ugly

First and most obviously...make some more damn villains, Hasbro. I know they're working hand in hand with Marvel to make figures that are relevant to recent events in the comic but jeez. We've got Captain America, Iron Man (x2), Black Panther, Ronin, Daredevil, Spider-Man, Iron Fist, Wolverine, and the Silver Surfer. Opposing them? Green Goblin and Bullseye. This is a mismatch folks, pure and simple. Then, of course, there's the Hulk, and if Planet Hulk (best Hulk series ever, btw...check it out) taught us nothing else, it's that nobody can beat the Hulk. Nobody. But then, he's not really on any side, either. At any rate, I'm only going to tackle one figure at a time here on the ol' toyblog; that way I might actually get more done, AND blogging will fit into my writing priorities a little better. So we'll start at the top.

Captain America rules. Women want him, men want to be him. Plus he has a rockin' shield. Sure, he's dead in the comics (at least, when I stopped reading Marvel comics he was dead). Is he still dead? Did he come back with the Skrulls or what? I couldn't handle it anymore. This figure, based on the Ultimate Universe Cap is incredible in its detail. The shield, the boots, the gear on the belt...right off the page. Frankly I think this design is preferable to the one many of my fellow nerds are clamoring for, with the wings on the mask. Weakling that I am, I'll probably buy that too, at least to get the other character in the 2-pack. This figure is a straight up 10, no questions asked.

Cap is so awesome that if you are looking at this and you are female, you are pregnant. Fortuntately, since my readership appears to decidedly of the male, geek, personal friend of mine persuasion, we're probably safe. Unless the Official Wife reads this. Then, well...shit.

Only a few things could be more awesome than Cap. One of them, to wit: Cap with a machine gun.

Die Nazis!

Yeah. Awesome.

On a side note, I do plan to take some more pics of Cap with GI Joe figures, since he meshes so obviously with them. Who should be on Cap's team?

Wave 8 Comic Packs

2009-02-20T21:28:00.012-05:00

Wave 8 Comic Packs

It's been a while since we reviewed anything here at the LBAM Toy Review, and there's plenty to catch up on. For the time being, let's handle Wave 8 Comic packs. You may notice that we have skipped from Wave 6 to Wave 8; this would be because I would not piss on the Wave 7 comic packs if they were on fire. I mean honestly; Deep Six in a comic pack? Hasbro wants me to buy three versions of Deep Six? Crappy un-articulated #1, modestly improved Deep Six from the SRO pack, and shiny yet still crappy, still unarticulated, Deep Six? Really? A second Gung Ho, only in slightly more realistic colors on his Leather Daddy vest? Also, don't get me started on the disappointment that is the Iron Grenadier. And nobody needs a second Battle Armor CC. Nobody. Not even with the Fred Head. Anyway...Wave 8 Comics. Let's start with Destro and Tunnel Rat.

Destro

I thought I said I didn't wanna see any more Destro heads without vac-metal, Hasbro. I thought we had an understanding. I think I'm gonna hafta call the Antignano Brothers and send 'em over to your factories. Sure would be a shame if some of those fancy new movie-toy molds got busted up, huh? Don't let it happen again.

I like this Destro, but it's just not all it could be. I'm intrigued by all the new parts, the new headsculpt and so forth...but it's really kind of a hodgepodge that doesn't quite work. If he's a pilot, why does he have claws on his boots? Why is he wearing a proton pack?

Somebody saw a cockroach up on 12.

The annoying part about this figure is that I really like all the parts on their own. The armor is cool, headsculpt is sweet (except for not being metallized), the pack is cool, the wrist computer is cool. But all together it makes for a rather dorky looking figure, really. And this coming from the guy with possibly the biggest nonsexual man-crush on Destro in history.

Makes a hell of a tip c alculator, I tell ya what.
or
You know the whole economic crisis? I did that. From this thing right here, on my wrist. Yeah. I'm just that good.

LBAM Rating: 7.0. This is by far the lowest rating I will ever give a Destro figure.

Biggest height disparity in the 25th Anniversary Line? You decide.

I've got nothing. Just thought the way the gun snapped into focus here.

I will end the first one of you roundeyes to make a single joke about fried rice. Just try me.

I wasn't kidding, you blond-haired prick.

Tunnel Rat's cool and all, but I have no idea what else to say. I wish he had his backpack, his flashlights, and I wish his damn knife weren't molded on. Kudos on the working holster on his webgear though; fantastic. I really do like this figure quite a bit, and I think people who are trying to see racism in the face are looking a little too hard. This is a damn fine figure, honestly.
LBAM Rating: 8.5/10 - Missing his backpack hurts a little, as does the molded knife.

Shockwave and Storm Shadow

First of all, I don't care if they call him Shockblast. He's Shockwave. Let's just get that out of the way.

Second, I admire any guy who is totally badass yet still has "Choir" as his secondary military specialty. He can kick your ass in key.

It's not that he's compensating for something anything. It's just that he's got them tuned to shoot in different keys. Okay, that was lame. I dunno where else to go with this. Shockwave is a sharp figure with sweet accessories. Not every caption needs a joke, ok? And not every joke is going to be a winner. It's a lot of pressure man, I'm telling you. Let's just pretend that caption was funny and move on. I'll try to find a winner before the post is over.

The business end of an MP5 is no fun to look at. The fact that the guy gunning you down with it is can probably belt out "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" at the same time is probably not comforting.

Shockwave rules. But he needs friends, compadres, comrades, fellow SWAT members. I think the odds of other GI Joe 'police' characters getting made is pretty slim. In fact, I can't even remember any of their names...Long Arm? Surefire? Bullhorn? (man, Bullhorn would own in 25th form...I'd kill to see an updated version of him). Anyway, he looks great. Solid job on the hat, helmet, and gas-mask; those kinds of touches go a long way with me. Missing his backpack, and his SMG; I can easily replace the one but not the other. So, whatever, a solid 8.8 or something. Yeah. He needs other SWAT guys. That silly blue firefly doesn't make a terrible one. Just not a great one.

Why not?

And finally, another Storm Shadow. Joy. It's actually a really good figure, could've been one of the best and most original Storm Shadows of the line.

Storm Shadow's broken dream: USA Olympic Kayaking Team.

It's a pretty sweet ninja, though why he has an axe and that double-bladed monstrosity, I'll never know. Storm Shadow needs knives, swords, a bow, and throwing weapons; not great big polearms and heavy axes. You know what else he doesn't need?

This mask.

The axe and mask are clearly an homage to Dice, which immediately raises the question, why would anyone want an homage to this? Seriously. That thing is a blight on the GI Joe line. An abomination of an action figure. But ninja-loving fanboys everywhere get all tight in the pants at the thought of him being remade. I'll never understand why.
LBAM Rating 7. Loses points for the Dice homage, and for the fact that he is packed with his helmet on, meaning when I took it off, it stripped some paint off his headsculpt, leaving a big ol' brown mark on his face, which bothers the heck out of me.

Resolute and Suchlike

2009-01-21T20:16:00.007-05:00

If you see this and you are a terrorist, you are already dead. You just don't know it yet.

I have three words to sum up the things I am reviewing today: Fuck. And. Yes.

Normally we do avoid the F-Bomb here at the LBAM Toy Review but, what the hell. Let fly. Resolute Duke and the Ghost Hawk are far too badass to be contained by non-obscenities. This Duke eats scorpions, okay? That's how badass he is. Scorpions. Live ones. With real poison. Fuck that, with extra poison injected into their stingers, because this Duke lives on pure adrenaline and scar tissue.

A pensive moment; thinking of more ways to hurt you.

Here's hoping all Resolute figs have similar articulation.

He will cut you twice for each shot he fires.

These pics rather suck, and don't do Resolute Duke justice. It is a damned fine figure, with the best mix of look and articulation in the line yet. As you can see in the above picture, I lopped an ankle holster off a Steeler figure and glued it to Duke's right leg. We hates non-functional holsters, precious. We hates them. Stuck in nasssty 1986, precious.
So because of the molded on holster I can't give this a perfect rating, and because the Dude is a little on the scrawny side. Let's call it an 8.8/10

Sleek, dangerous, deadly...dare I say...sexy? Yes. I dare.

The Ghost Hawk is the balls, the bawlls, the bawlz, the ballz, and, in fact, the BAUWLSZ. I appear to have forgotten how to take decent pictures AND how to write nuanced commentary. I blame the heavy doses of cold and cough medicine I am currently on, cocktailed with serious quantities of cheap whiskey and a little bit of tea so old it may well have gone slightly psychedelic. So let's just forge ahead, eh?

What I like about the Ghost Hawk is that it doesn't seem so far out, so 'future tech' as to be impossible. No, it's not likely that the Army will soon start deploying heavily-armed, one-man VTOL craft. A part of my brain says anything this craft could do would probably be done more effectively by an unmaned craft of some sort. But a drone wouldn't look quite so cooly lethal, would it? And I like the idea of this being both an attack craft and/or an insertion/extraction vehicle. Again, my brains says "impractical" because you'd need too many of them to easily hide in any way, and the more of them you have, the better chance of tempermental mechanical things going kablooey. But it's still cool. And the things they've done to improve it... better skids, more detail in every way, a glassed-in cockpit (well, plastic-ed in). It really is quite fantastic. Now as for the pilot.

Shazam!

Whose idea was it to let Gomer Pyle fly this thing? If you can look at that face and see anyone but Jim Nabors then you, sir or madam, are good at self deception. But aside from clearly being based on the Gas Station Pump Jockey turned U.S. Marine from Mayberry, this is a pretty sweet figure. What would make it great, of course, would be if the goddamn pistol on his vest was functional instead of molded on. He does have a sweet knife, which I presume is to end his life honorably if he is shot down in that thing. There can't possibly be any bailing out, unless one is to be immediately sucked into the turbines.
Ratings: 10/10 for the Ghost Hawk, 7.8/10 for Lift Ticket, bumping to 8.6 with his helmet on. He's the "bag face" chick of the G.I. Joe Line.

Now, onto someone slightly less cool.

I can haz mortur.

Short Fuze sucks, okay. That's all there is to it. He's another boring green Army man that was cool in 1982 and mostly sucks in 2009. I mean, I'm glad I got the figure because I have enough of an obsession to want the entire Original 13, and the Joes should have a mortar or two available to them. I'm glad Short Fuze was made, and I'm glad I have the figure. But I'm just gonna come out and say it: Downtown was cooler, and would make a hell of a lot better 25th style figure. There.

Couldn't they at least have given him a mortar that was large enough to appear to be usable? And carrying two sidearms...what is this, Deadwood?
Rating: 6.7/10

The only thing reflected here is Grim Death.

I will try a more nuanced appraisal of Resolute Cobra Commander here (on whose neck-nubbin I placed the vac-metalized face of the 'Best of the 80s' DVD Pack Cobra Commander) sometime later. But I have to say, despite the restricted movement (articulation is nice but is not strictly necessary for a figure to be great in my opinion) of the half-cape he wears, this is the best CC they've yet released. By far.
Rating: 9/10

What was it you said about Python Patrol colors? Do I have to come over there?

Resolute Troopers are also the balls. Blue Firefly, manning the guns, slightly less so.

I don't even know what to write about this thing. It is every bit as awesome as anybody else has already said, and awesomer than anyone who didn't acknowledge its utter awesomeness said. If they continue with complete remolds of the small-to-medium size vehicles, I am going to continue to hang them on my walls. I don't even know how to take pictures of this thing in a way that adequately demonstrates how cool, how fun it is. I got this for Christmas from the Official Wife of LBAM...along with the UBP, the Ghost Hawk, and Resolute Figures...and I immediately wanted to just run it along the carpet making 'bbbrrrrfffwooosh' noises to simulate the fan-engine. This might actually be even better than the Ghost Hawk. I can't even decide. Let's call it a 10/10 and Copperhead a 9/10 and I'm off to drink myself to sleep.

Wave 6 Comic Packs

2009-01-02T22:46:00.009-05:00

So I'm clearly not going to catch up on my backlog of reviews; vehicles, DVD packs, comic packs, etc etc, but I'm going to chip away at it. In the spirit, here are some quickies, mostly of figures I like.

Wave 6 Comic Packs

Scrap Iron and Wild Bill

Scrap-Iron in his original colors is perhaps not the most logical choice to put in a comic pack with Wild Bill, but it works, and the comic it came with was alright. Except, that is, for showing Scrap Iron carrying his missile launcher on his back. I just don't see that happening. Most importantly, though, the figure is pretty sweet. And by sweet, I mean still terrifying.

Seriously, this guy could haunt houses for a living. Maybe that's what he's doing now.

It is also nice to see that he's still color-coordinating his missiles.

That's the kind of touch you like to see, you know? A guy has red in his uniform, he has red missiles. That's the Cobra way, man. None of that "surplus field jackets the CIA left in our country over long, fruity white robes" for these guys, oh no. It's snazzy blues and bright reds all the way, unless you're on a subteam, in which case that's a whole different scheme. Fabulous. LBAM Rating: 8/10

And speaking of fabulous:

Wild Bill has just had it with olive drab.

That is one cowboy who does not fear the disapproval of his fellow Texans. Oh no. This is a man who has to follow the inscrutable exhortations of his soul. And that means powder blue. Lots of powder blue. And yellow. There's only one thing needed to make the outfit complete.

Cowboy hats are so 2004.

So, unsubtle jokes aside, this is actually a rather striking figure in person. It's earnestly goofy, it makes no bones about its (oh so terrible) cartoon roots, and it's really kind of charming. LBAM Rating: 8/10

Mainframe and Beachhead

The M14 has worked for me since 1961. I call this one 'Vera.'

I like the old, presumably cranky guys, like Mainframe. I don't care if they call him "Dataframe" now, his name is Mainframe, always has been, always will be. I sort of hoped that his comic pack would be him and Dusty, and include that fantastic issue where his old campaigner smarts won the day despite that whiny kid they were paired with, and Mainframe beat up a whole room full of tangos because he was just that awesome. I have to say, I think Mainframe's character concept is some of Hama's best work; former Army grunt goes to MIT, then to work in silicon valley as a computer wonk. Escapes the boredom of corporate life by joining the f'ing Marines just in time to kick some Cobra ass in both the electronic and phyiscal worlds. You can't beat that. And the face of this figure is suitably old and grumpy and angry.

Why does he have an iPod on his shoulder, but carry a 25 year old computer with floppy disks?

I love the little touches, but I also love consistency and the ability for a character to stow or carry all his little pieces. That's the only place this figure fails for me; as seen above, I glued his little handset onto his bandolier. It slightly obscures the iPod, which, while a great little touch, is kind of annoying. But when I get annoyed, then I start to realize I'm thinking like one of those irrational guys who thinks every figure should be in a consistent, highly detailed, real ass uniform, and then I stop.

Two guns per computer, just to show you what kind of man he is.

"If I run out of ammo, I'll just club you to death with the Coleco."

LBAM Rating: 9/10. The fingers of his left hand blow balls; they work for Spirit, not for him. If he had a removable helmet it'd be a solid 10, though.

This guy hums "Sweet Home Alabama" for the duration of every chopper ride. You just know he does.

I love that they gave Beachhead a face. I love that that face has a big fu manchu mustache, and is clearly the face of a guy whose music collection contains only Skynyrd, The Allman Brothers, Molly Hatchet, Blackfoot, ZZ Top, .38 Special, The Charlie Daniels Band, and maybe some Elvis and Johnny Cash. None of that British crap. Awesome.

Seriously, I love everything about this figure. I love the first 25th more real-ass Beachhead as well, but this one has some neat touches, like removable clips for his gun and the spare head. Really, if they're gonna keep reissuing the same characters, do it like this...change them enough to justify the purchase in and of itself, instead of justifying it by packing it with other stuff I might want. I would've bought this Beachhead if he were single-carded, honestly. I love it. Plus I love the wacky things you can do with a spare head.

Man, every time I watch Empire Strikes Back I have the same weird dream.

LBAM Rating: 10/10. Nothing but love for this figure.

Snake-Eyes and Hard Master

Go ahead. Complain about repaints. I dare you.

No, this isn't the most exciting Snake-Eyes figure they've made, but the gear is nice and the posability of this particular mold is among the best in the line. No, I didn't take any decent pictures to demonstrate that, so you'll have to trust me. Plus the gear that comes in this set is pretty top notch.
LBAM Rating: 6/10. I love the basic ninja mold but the color is boring, and it would've been nice to see some of Snakes' face or something. If this is from his training with the Arashikage he shouldn't be disfigured yet, so...I'm just sayin', it'd be cool. And DDP used to show his face all the damn time, so why not?

Damnit, I need to remember to stop yelling "SILENT JUSTICE" everytime I sneak up on someone.

This is the kind of ninja that the movies, tv, cartoons, and general atmosphere of the 1980s made me grow up expecting, damnit. I freaking love this figure. Knives and throwing stars everywhere (yes, it'd be nice if they were removable, but you can't have everything, I suppose). Notice how he's got a scroll attached to his leg. Is that to demonstrate his inner harmony? Is it in case of a calligraphy duel? If he needs to whip out some I Ching wisdom on your punk ass?

Edward Said would like a word with you.

Look, I'm not going to get into Orientalism and go all Post-Colonial on you here (I save that for my students). But I'm thinking the place you're most likely to see a sword stand that looks like that is in one of those geek stores in the mall that sells replica "katanas" made in India. Note, I am not calling Larry Hama out on this or anything; I know he studied laido and whatnot, I'm just saying...if you wanna see it, it's there.

I would be remiss if I did not explore ALL the comedic possibilities of this set, however.

HURK!
Or
Get the bactine.
Or
Grasshopper!
Or
Archery was never the Hard Master's strong suit.

LBAM Rating: 9/10

Also, by the way, an important safety tip; if you're trying to remember what the Hard Master looked like, do not, under any circumstances, for any reason, do a Google Images search for "Hard Master" unless SafeSearch is ON.

More to come this weekend, I hope!

Blowtorch

2008-12-09T21:45:00.004-05:00

Just a single figure review tonight because that's all I really have time for. More reviews are in construction, but I'm just gonna post one tonight, and that is of my single favorite action figure of all time, this new Blowtorch.

Toastin' their waffles.

That's right, the red and yellow flame-thrower wielding Joe is my single favorite action figure of all time. Is it the thought of igniting the flesh of terrorists and watching them burn? Maybe. Is it that he's so badass he's not afraid to wear big yellow and red lego-lookin' pads on the battlefield? Could be. Is that he is a note-perfect update of the original figure? Probably. It really is just a new, better, improved in every way incarnation of his figure from the 80s. Everything about this figure is reminiscent, but improved; his backpack is larger and more detailed (though possibly sculpted upside down? It doesn't seem like the gauges should be on the bottom...should they?), his flamethrower is more durable and double-handled, the hose is flexible and detachable (instead of an easily broken piece of stiff plastic), his helmet and mask fit well together, the air hose is textured and thick; he even has a small extinguisher sculpted onto the back of his belt. Were I him, I might still stand next to Barbecue at every opportunity, but that's just me.

Awfully cheerful lookin' for a guy who burns people to death for a livin'.

It's not just about detail, but texture and facial sculpt as well. This looks like the original Blowtorch, but better, more accurate, as if it were an improved sculpt of a real person by someone who was learning to sculpt faces in 1:18th scale.

But you know, for Blowtorch, it goes beyond how cool a toy it is or how nostalgiac. If you only check this blog out for the funny or the snark or the bad photography or what have you, now might be a time to check out, because it's about to get a little bit maudlin. Don't say I didn't warn you. I also promise it will almost certainly never happen again.

My parents were cool, and smart, and good parents. When I was born, my brother was 3, so old enough to maybe not quite get it and be a little put off by the new baby. So one of the things they did to ease the transtion was they had us give each other 'gifts,' i.e., they gave my brother some kind of toy or something and said "This is from your little brother." Don't know if it was an original idea or something they found in a book or what have you, but it was a good idea; to a little kid it creates an immediate, relatable connection.

Well, they did the same when my little brother was born. Some of you who know the guy behind the blog might not have known I had a little brother, but there it is. My gift from my little brother? The original Blowtorch. I seem to recall also getting the Missile Defense Unit, I think, but Blowtorch I know for sure. I was five, going on six. Blowtorch was awesome. My little brother was obviously a cool cat for knowing that G.I. Joe were the greatest toys ever and which ones I didn't have. (Remember, I was five). I remember opening Blowtorch and playing with him and the wall from the defense unit on the floor of the hospital room my mom was in after seeing my brother (he was premature, there were complications) in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I know my brother got some G.I. Joe stuff too; he outgrew G.I. Joe before I did but was into it with me for a few years. Anyway, I remember playing and thinking that having another brother to play G.I. Joe with in general would be pretty cool, and that it would also be sweet to have a younger brother.

You probably already know or can guess where this is going. My little brother died aged 9 months, of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I didn't get a younger brother to play with or teach or any of that stuff I was thinking about while I played with Blowtorch on that hospital floor. But having the new Blowtorch now, twenty five years later, well, it's a little rough thinking about the lost potential of all those years. But it also brings back the memory of playing with the original on that hospital floor and how great it was to be an older brother, if only for a little while.

Wave 11 and 12

2008-11-09T16:09:00.007-05:00

Modern Era G.I. Joe Wave 11

This line really does just keep getting better and better. Sure, Wave 12 is a bit of a letdown, but 11 may be the best all around, despite the inclusion of one decided clunker. Let's dive right in.

Airborne

The year 1983 might just have been the most consistently good for G.I. Joe. No, I didn't say best, really, just that every figure or vehicle released that year was money; Destro, Airborne, Duke, Snow Job, Torpedo, etc...and the Skystriker, Wolverine and Dragonfly? I don't think even 1985 beats it in terms of consistent quality. Well, Airborne is everything the Modern Era to date ought to be; a wonderful, highly detailed, well-made update of a classic. I don't even have a joke here about dicks or civilian massacres (and really, what is more of a comedy goldmine than that, huh?). I just think he's a great figure. Even his weapon is pretty damn fine, though I ultimately replaced it with a Marauder M4. I do have vague plans to cut the bayonet off of his M4 and apply it to the MJ weapon, but I'm not sure if that'll work.

I don't know why his flak vest is blue. I don't care. I loved this figure before, I love it now. I don't really remember where I got the original or when, though I seem to think it was one of the sort that my dad just brought home one day because he saw it at a store and thought it was cool. It was one of the few figures from that early that I never lost a single piece of; his backpack, rifle and helmet all remained with him until my Joes went away when I was 13 or 14 (and boy can I not wait to get them from my mom's house when I finally have room) and no part of him ever broke. Love the figure, love the character...I mean, what guy wouldn't trade practicing law to join the military as an enlisted man and start jumping out of helicopters?

I love that his headsculpt makes it clear that he's Native American without trying to beat you over the head with it, like Spirit does. And nothing against Spirit. I have to say, I think it says a lot about the line...and of Larry Hama...that a line of military toys created in the 1980s featured two prominent Native American characters created in the first three years of its existence. Yes, the majority of characters are Caucasian, but how many toylines of that or any era made any efforts at diversity? There were women, Native Americans, African Americans, Hispanic and Asian Americans all featuring prominently in the toys, the comic book, and the cartoon. Maybe that was for commercial reasons, to widen the appeal. I don't think it much matters why...I just think it's a good thing.

Plus Airborne totally kicks ass. Now please, Hasbo, give us some kind of helicopter, or two, so I can use Flint, Scarlett, Airborne and Wild Bill properly. Please!
LBAM Rating: 10/10 - Great way to reuse parts we haven't seen too much of and add new touches into a character we wouldn't mistake for anyone else. Great headsculpt and detail.

Flint in Cobra Disguise

This is so demeaning. I was a Rhodes Scholar for God's sake.

The single most unnecessary figure released yet in the 25th Anniversary/Modern Era Line.
LBAM Rating: 3/10. Yuck and poo.

Specialist Trakker

I will end the next nerd who whines about my inclusion in the line.

No, he doesn't have a mortar-firing big rig, nor a flying Camaro, but that sure is Matt Trakker of "M.A.S.K." Fame. And he rules. Why? Explain to me how a helicopter backpack (which manages to be both Joe-centric as it is a remake of the old Annihilator heli-pack, AND a further M.A.S.K. homage with its Condor paintjob) doesn't rule? Huh? Can't do it, can you?

I really don't get the nerd rage over this figure. I don't. I mean, would I be just as happy if it were somebody else? Well yes, but most of the important "somebodies" are already on the way (excepting a classic Ripcord, and face it, it ain't happening). And this figure, on its own merits, regardless of whether it's "really" a part of G.I. Joe, is awesome, and has what is probably the best face sculpt of the line so far. It manages to mix arrogance, certainty, intelligence, presence, and cheekbones to die for. (Sighs).

Trakker hears ya. Trakker don't care.

I kind of wish that harness didn't result in a collar around his neck. Is that unfortunate choice going to result in some creative photos of him with the Baroness? Almost certainly. That collar, coupled with the fact that his elbows make the Duke look flexible, keep the figure from being a perfect 10, but it's still damn close.

The helmet, unfortunately, does not spew flame or create illusions or make windstorms. But it should.

LBAM Rating: 9.6/10. The elbows suck. The figure is otherwise nearly perfect.

Pilot Scarlett

Fashion week gets more aggressive every year.

I have to say, I do really like when the Modern Era releases differently purposed versions of a character. Yes, this is probably, in the main, just a repaint...new lower legs, new head, new webgear, helmet, backpack...but the fact that it is Scarlett clearly kitted out for a different purpose, and is an homage to the international release 'Glenda' character just makes it damn cool. I replaced her useless little pistol with a Marauder USP Match Automatic Pistol, which has become the sidearm of choice among almost all my Joe figures. There are few exceptions, mostly Gung-Ho and Airborne because their holsters simply won't secure one I'd love to see what Marauder John might do if he made a crossbow; I also think the best version of Scarlett's crossbow yet made was probably the very first from her 1982 release, but I don't have one. Anyway, this figure has, perhaps, slightly too much webgear, but I still dig it. The fact that Scarlett finally has a helmet (she wore one all the damn time in the comics!) thrills me. And I really like that she has a new headsculpt that is every bit as good as her original...as well as a little more businesslike, with the bun rather than the ponytail.
I mean, really, what's not to like about this figure? It's a new version of Scarlett, the quintessential female Joe; it's simultaneously a nod to an International release, like Red Ninja and Ninja Ku; and it's another Joe pilot, potentially replacing the hideous comic-pack Ace, or supplementing Wild Bill. It's win-win-win.
LBAM Rating: 10/10. Nitpicks: None. Love this figure.
Bonus Geekery! This figure's filecard, for the first time ever, in 15 releases, declassifies Scarlett's secondary military speciality. No big surprise that it's "Helicopter Pilot." Still. Awesome.

Cobra Eel

Two knives and a speargun? No wonder they wear red shirts.

I have to admit I don't quite get the furore over this figure. Sure, it's nice. But it's not the best Cobra troopbuilder yet released (that's a close race between the Snow Serpent and the Para Viper). I do like the diversification of Cobra's special forces and I do like the figure, but I don't know why people are acting like the world will end if they don't get a couple dozen of them. I really also have to question the weapon choice. Newsflash: spearguns are not effective SpecForce weapons, unless you've really got it in for Tuna. Does Cobra Commander outfit them in order to satisfy his never ending desire for tropical fish? Is that their priority mission? I can see maybe giving them a speargun but geez, at least give the dudes a sidearm instead of a pair of knives. Once they get on shore, these guys are meat. Pure and simple. Unless, of course, one equips them with weapons taken from other, similar Cobra forces.

Much better. Much. Conveniently the Cobra Diver is packed with an SMG he doesn't need as badly as this guy does. Any other suggestions on weapons these guys would look good with?

Oh, and as far as the "variant" nonsense...I don't care what HTS says. I especially don't care what AFA says. Barely visible mold cavity numbers on knife handles do not a variant make.

Call me a variant and I will cut you.

LBAM Rating: 8.5/10. Yeah, it's a pretty nice figure, but it's far from the best of the lot. Makes excellent reuse of the Torpedo body. The weapons are baffling.

Storm Shadow

Waaait a second...when did Storm Shadow start dressing like that? When did he start wearing a cowl? Something is not quite right about this...hrmmm. Aha!

Zartan

If you've got the abs, you might as well flaunt 'em.

I really, really liked the first release of Zartan for this line. Thought it was an excellent figure. Still do. But this manages to be a different, earlier interpretation of the figure that is probably just as good. Sure, the belly-revealing armor is a little silly, but the figure just carries it off so well. I am also really happy to see Zartan's original pistol make a comeback, because I just love the look of it. The fact that they actually used a new headsculpt, too, rather than just throw the old one on, really speaks to the attention to detail and the desire to make a quality figure. I for one don't much care if he changes color or not. Sure, it was cool when I was seven. Doesn't much matter now. I checked the color change on my other Zartan once, I believe, and have never bothered to again. I also think the masks this one comes with are far, far more inventive and well-made than the "generic bearded guy" the first one does. Still, putting them on ultimately looks kind of silly.

Now, about that swamp skier.

No, it isn't very big, but he does fit on it, and he fits pretty well. How big should it be? I dunno. I suppose the original looked better, but the fact that this one comes single-carded with the figure is pretty impressive if you ask me. The figure really does fit; I presume others would, too. Again, I don't get the uproar. This is a great fig in every way, certainly in my top 10, maybe the top 5*. The body armor looks good, the gun is great, the skier works, the headsculpt and paint are spot on.
LBAM Rating: 10/10. Nitpicks: None.

Wave 12 (the one Wave 12 figure I bought, anyway)

Not sure why Cobra needs two of the same SpecForce troop type, but I might actually like the Diver better than the Eel. He certainly stands a better chance of living more than 30 seconds after Greenshirt Private Gomer notices him. Maybe that's the point of the Eels...they're so stealthy they don't need guns?

Nah, still stupid.

Anyway, I like the diver, it's really not that different from the Eel...sure, it has Torpedo's gear rather than new stuff and the Eel's helmet is really well detailed. So what else is there to say about this guy? Not much.
LBAM Rating: 8/10. Fine, not quite as good as the Eel. If I got one more of each my underwater Cobra team would be complete.

Not a bad start. I still think Torpedo could probably take all three of them.

Well, that about wraps it up for now. I have a TON of stuff to get to...Wave 5 comic packs, vehicles, DVD packs...we'll get there. Some of the pics are already taken, some not.

*Attempt at a quick top 10 list:

1. IG Destro
2. Snake-Eyes v3.
3. Hawk v2.
4. Torpedo
5. Para-viper.
6. Zartan v2.
7. Airborne.
8. Snow Job
9. Snow Serpent
10. Wraith
Honorable Mentions: Tiger Force Flint, Dusty (review forthcoming).

Bottom 5, in no particular order:
1. Cobra Flint. And this, given that Flint is my favorite Joe character. English majors represent!
2. Nemesis Enforcer
3. Python Officer
4. Montezuma's Skeleton
5. Vehicle pack Serpentor

Arctic Cobra Set, Hellboy II Figures

2008-10-19T12:41:00.013-04:00

Hey, two posts inside of a week! That's got to be some kind of record. Anyway, this post feels like it'll be light on reviewing and heavy on pics. Let's start with the arctic Cobra set.

And that is a summary of our demands for releasing the penguins from March of the Penguins...damnit, Larry, you're out of frame again. We've gotta re-shoot the whole damned thing!

Ok, so I didn't get a good picture of my whole arctic force there; note, of course, that it is supplemented with three single-carded Snow Serpents. I'm not going to write individual reviews of each figure except for Scrap-Iron and maybe the Televiper. Also, kidnapping penguins makes at least as much sense as any of Cobra Commander's plans from the cartoon series.

I like that Scrap-Iron coordinates his missiles with his environment gear. It's the little touches, ya know?

Blue missiles? Really? Only in Cobra. That's why it is so wacky and wonderful. This here's Scrap-Iron. He's an alright guy so long as you don't try to talk to him, or interact with him in any way, according to his file card. He's also the cold SOB who, in the comics, fired a missile at a wrecked, flaming car full of innocent civilians (Ripcord's girl Candy, Cobra Commander's son Billy, and some drunk dude who'd picked them up as hitch-hikers) and at the guy who'd run back to save them. Let's be clear on that: there was a crashed car full of unconscious, helpless people, and an old man who was trying to get them clear of the wreckage. And it was on fire. Scrap Iron fired a missile at them from a nearby position. How's that for making sure? If the rest of Cobra was that ruthless and efficient, they'd have put the Joes out of business around 1983.

He's also a pretty cool figure; granted, he's mostly a "FrankenJoe" with a new head, but that really doesn't bother me. Reusing molds and parts has long been a part of the deal with Joe figures, and Hasbro really put some effort into the new head he's got. The little missile launcher assembly is, I believe, exactly the same as the original he came with back in the 80s, though the revolver he comes with goes straight to the spare weapons bin, and doesn't even come close to fitting in his holster. Thankfully, Marauder John's MP97 is there to pick up the slack. Now, about that face. Take a good close look.

Now that's craftsmanship.

Yar. That's gross. The scars, the milky eye...I'd probably hate the world, too. To me, this disfigurement really adds characterization to what is an otherwise lifeless figure. If he just had an unremovable helmet/visor that obscured the face, given his "I hate imperfection and live to blow things up" biography, he'd be a pretty boring figure, honestly. But add in a face this messed up and I find him a lot more compelling.

LBAM Rating: 8.5/10 - The face really saves an otherwise boring sort of figure. I like the missile launcher rig, but Scrap Iron was never one of my favorites.

Tele-Viper

Somehow I lack a good head-on shot of this guy; maybe later I'll go back and add one in. I'm not sure exactly why Dial-Tone's submachine gun is making a comeback, but I'm glad that it is; always liked the look of it, though I'm not s ure what, if any, real-world weapon it is based on. It goes without saying that this guy's best feature is the old school 80s floppy-drive computer he's toting.

Aww, man, a mission? But I just got King's Quest V up and running on this thing!

Nothing says "hi-tech terrorist operation" like a 'portable' computer with folding legs, two floppy drives, and a convenient weight of 18 pounds. And he needs to kneel at it because, given the parka he's wearing, he can't actually sit down. Not that I care much; I don't need my Joe figures to have tea parties. I like that we finally have a tele-viper with gear, but I still would like to see a single-carded tele-viper with his old radio-microphone-gun thinger. If we ever do see a carded Tele-Viper, though, my money is on a Python Patrol version.

LBAM Rating - 8.5/10. Not terribly thrilling, but I dig the radio-pack and the computer. I am curious as to why he has a mike that can't attach to anything.

The Rest

Snow Job will be happy to see that Cobra makes sure the officers really stand out.

I've already reviewed the Snow Serpent; I think the paint apps on the officer really pop. I have to say I was really pleased overall with the paint apps on this exclusive pack. I may have to replace some of the weapons, though. In particular I dislike the shotgun one of the serpents comes with, but I like the reuse of Bazooka's launcher and backpack.

Now meet Cannon,

and Fodder.

I actually do sort of like these guys, but given that they're stuck in with a bunch of elite Snow Serpent types, do they really have a prayer? No. And they're wearing just basic Cobra gear; no parkas. Hell, the heavy weapons guy even has short sleeves; I'm not really sure the Copperhead body is working for an arctic trooper. I do like the color scheme on the viper, though. Here's hoping for more Vipers in different color schemes. Yes, I am a sucker. I am well aware of it.

LBAM Rating for the Vipers (averaged) - 7.5/10. The Copperhead body doesn't get it done here. And I really hate the Roadblock left hand. It is useless. At least they gave the other viper long sleeves.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

So, despite being a longtime fan of Hellboy in all his incarnations; comics, live action film, animated film...I had always held off buying any Hellboy figures. Oh, I'd been close. Heck, I even had the first wave of 6 inch figures from this summer's movie in my pile of loot at BBTS this summer, but I passed once I learned there would be figures in my preferred scale. And let me say...it has been worth the wait. Here is my small BPRD unit, with the SDCC Exclusive Hellboy included rather than the box set version;

Mezco folks; if you don't at least give me an in-scale Abe, I will find you.

In terms of detail and sculpt and imaginative (if not plentiful) accessories, these are actually superior to the 25th Anniversary Joes. Now I also realize that the Joes have a different (larger) target market and that if they were as super detailed as these figures, the cost would go up. Even so...damn, Mezco. If your 3.75 Heroes figures look this good I might be tempted. (No, I really won't. I can't even watch that show anymore; but that isn't your fault). These are fantastic in almost every way; the articulation suffers in favor of sculpting detail, but I'll take that trade when the results are this outstanding. Consider all 5 figures that I have (the four from the box set, plus the SDCC Exclusive) rated a 10. Or probably a 10.5 for the cigar-chomping Hellboy.

Red sub-contracts to another agency with less oversight and a higher budget.
Also consider this my review of 'Nemesis Immortal.'

If you're still standing, it's only because your brain doesn't know how much of you has been liquified.

Almost without question the greatest 3 3/4" weapon accessory ever produced.

Liz and Johann have some wonderfully ingenious accessories to simulate their powers (pyrokineticism and being made of ectoplasm, respectively). At this scale, simply including alternate hands is probably not feasible; too much chance of breakage. But including the hand-molded 'fire' and 'ectoplasm' was a great touch. It took me a while to figure out exactly how to place these things in the hand, but once given a close look, the notches for fingers and thumb are pretty obvious.

Johann's a real hoot at parties, ladies. Trust us.

For when ectoplasm just won't get it done.
OR
Johann is finally fed up with the drunken shenanigans at the BPRD and goes all German on their asses.

I can't decide if I wish my wife could actually do this. Probably not. Probably.

Wink is pretty wicked awesome, too. Definitely something that goes bump in the night.

Let's close in on that hideous, wonderfully detailed face, shall we?

Undisputed OtherWorld Gurning Champion, 3400 B.C. - 2008 A.D.

I think the inclusion of an alternate fist was an excellent idea...but there isn't a whole lot one can really do with the chain. If it had instead been a straight, stiff chain that depicted the fist as if it had just launched, I think it might've worked better. No idea if that is actually feasible; I think the 'chain' might have to be too thick. There just isn't much of an effect with the alternate fist as is, however. Or at least, not the effect one might hope for.

I swear baby...this has never happened to me before!

That wraps 'er up for today. Got to go do some adult things now. Enjoy, and feel free to voice your stupefaction, amazement, agreement, or otherwise.

G.I. Joe Wave 10

2008-10-16T21:53:00.018-04:00

Aaaand we're back. Let's just dive right in, because I know you've been waiting with bated breath and sweaty palms.

Tiger Force Duke

No, I don't think it's too 70s. No, I've never been to Cambodia. Why do you ask?

Yeah, Duke's awesome. Don't hate. You know Duke is the man. He has single handedly waxed more tangos than any other Joe, and that includes Snake-Eyes. Know why? Because Duke can use a goddamn radio to call in an airstrike, unlike that mute freak, that's why. And given the theme of his togs, he is darned familiar with calling in airstrikes on ~~border villages~~ Cobra installations.

Seriously, all politically incorrect associations with the name and color scheme aside, I love this figure. I think it's a near perfect update of the original, and I love Tiger Force and am not afraid to admit it. Felt good to say that. The new arms really are far, far better...not perfect, perhaps, but better, especially aesthetically. Still not quite enough elbow movement, I suppose, but it's better, and the non slit wrists are awesome. The kid in me loves that he comes with his old SMG and bigass binoculars. Another part of me wonders why they couldn't give him an updated gun, and what was wrong with the TRU Exclusive 3 pack binoculars? The SMG does not fit his hand particularly well, and the wire-frame stock won't rest against his inner arm no matter how far you wedge the handle into his hand. Ah well. Still a great fig, with spot on paint applications. But then again, I'm a Duke apologist, and I have every version of the character they've released (this isn't a blog, it's a cry for help) in the 25th/Modern Era, and will continue to buy them. Bring on Diver Duke. Bring on Pilot Duke. Gladiator Duke. Screaming Duke. Constipated Duke. Pond Gear Duke. File Clerk Duke. Bring 'em all on.

The classic old SMG piques my nostalgia, sure. But it really wasn't made for Modern Era figures.

It appears to be a giant nerd, sir. With a camera. I recommend a nuclear strike.

LBAM Rating: 9.5/10. Nitpick - Why not update the SMG, Hasbro? Why?

Mutt and Junkyard

I wasn't, like many were, salivating for this figure or anything. But ultimately it is really well made. I didn't play with the original Mutt much; my taste in animal handlers ran more to Law&Order and Spearhead&Max (though honestly, a tame bobcat? really?). I admire a well-made figure, though, and Mutt and Junkyard here are a fine addition to any collection. Junkyard is, especially, a fantastic update on the small, all-black, hardly detailed original. And he is anatomically correct. We are, of course, above showing you a picture of that here at LBAMToyreview. (No, we're not...the picture just wouldn't light right, damnit). So you'll have to take our word for it.

As part of unit hazing, Junkyard gets to hump your leg every time he wants for the first two weeks. But you try saying no to that face.

I do have one major, major quibble with this figure, though. Why is his right arm so damn thin? It looks like it belongs on Scarlett or Cover Girl or Baroness or something, but not a big burly mustachioed dude like Mutt here. He looks like he ought to barely be able to lift his Mac-10 (which is finely detailed, by the way).

It's just that I use my left hand to do everything. Everything.

It does certainly make the big gloved/padded left forearm look that much bigger. I might've preferred that that glove be a removable accessory of some kind...but you can't have everything. I have another question, though; what exactly is that little club he comes with for? I mean, the obvious answer is a little uncomfortable. Isn't it? Paired with the big strange ~~fisting glove~~ dog-handling glove, well...it paints a weird picture of what Mutt might be into in his spare time. And there is the mustache. I'm gonna let this go now. I think that'll be for the best.

LBAM Rating: 9.5/10. Superb, really. Also, he has a scar that makes him look like Inigo Montoya. Again, the lighting. You can kinda see it in this next pic, though.

The safe word is "Yo, Joe!"

Bazooka Trooper

Yepp, it really is that color blue. And that boring.

It's not that this figure is bad or anything, it's not. It just ain't all that great. The webgear is nice. The RPG is pretty cool. I like the attention to the detail on this figure. But I would honestly rather have seen the effort put into a Bazooka Viper or something. I don't find the basic blueshirt all that interesting. Not even when they're powdery blue, like this lucky fella. I can't see adding more than just this one to my collection. If I want troopers to have RPGs, I'll hit Marauder John up and issue them. I have to say, I do like the idea of Cobra arming these dudes with an RPG that they'll be able to fire once (no extra rockets) and a little snub pistol (not pictured) that might be best served as a way to quicken their own certain death.

LBAM Rating: 7/10. Nice. Not thrilling. But nice.

Wraith

Even cheese-eating surrender monkeys look awesome in armor like that.

Oh, Hasbro. You come so close to making something truly great...only to screw it up, just the tiniest bit. Make no mistake, this is one fantastic looking figure. Really amazing. Would like to see the variant and hope to snag one. But, really, as you've no doubt heard, he just can't move his arms much at all.

In France, we do not, how you say, bend ze elbows? It is ze ennui; she makes ze arms too heavy.

Actually, it isn't the ennui, it's the wires and the inflexible pauldrons. Yes, he really can't flex his arms. But frankly, the figure looks so damn good I have a hard time being angry about it. Easily the best sculpt of the wave, definitely one of the best looking figures of the entire line; MOC collectors should love him, no doubt. I'm glad that a DDP character is getting made (yes, I also like most of the DDP run; but I'm odd for a Joe collector in that I actually weigh things on their merit, not the year they were made or whether they change anything) as it gives me hope to see other cool characters that appeared in DDP comics like Armada, Barrel Roll, Firewall, etc. Now, if you'll allow me some conjecture: why does he look so damn much like Tony Stark?

I'll try to get a closer pic off the camera later, but I'm trying to wrap up my geekery before bed and it's getting close. At any rate, I'm sure we all know there's an awesome looking 3 3/4 inch Marvel line coming out in 2009. I don't know for sure that Iron Man will have an opening face plate. No idea. But if he does, would anybody be surprised to see this same head with a different visor? I sure wouldn't complain.

LBAM Rating: 9/10 - Even the total lack of arm movement can only cost this awesome figure a point. If his accessories mattered he might lose another point, because the P-90 he comes with is practically on an entire different scale.

Croc Master

Usually, you don't see a presumptive croc-lover actually wearing so much crocodile. I'm probably overthinking this. Am I overthinking this? Almost certainly.

Croc-Master would never have been on my list of characters that should definitely be made in the 25th Line. I certainly had the original and played with him a fair bit, but I don't think of him as a core character, especially given his super-sparse comic book appearances. But the detail of this figure is just astonishing; the bite marks on his arm, the stitching on his mask, texturing of his croc-suit, the paint on the eye of his belt-buckle...just fabulous. I do wish the knife molded on his lower right leg was actually a removable accessory...I will always go for accessory over molded piece...but it really does look good. I honestly have nothing bad to say about this figure. Nothing. Sure, it's a silly concept, but we're talking about Cobra here, a worldwide terrorist organization led by a guy with a snake fetish.

I'll call her Vera, 'cause I heard Adam Baldwin was gonna have a cameo as Croc Master. It's totally true. Look it up! Besides, nobody ever calls anyone in the Joe collector community on their bullshit predictions of Flagg re-releases. Why start with me?

Gun show. ~~For scar fetishists.~~

LBAM Rating: 10/10. Pretty much flawless.

Para Viper

Pardon me; which way to the unstable 3rd world republic?

Hell and yes. That's all I can say. I love this figure. LOVE it. Every bit of it, YES, including the neon on his arms, kneepads, and knife sheath. Why? Well, for a night jump, a dude might wanna be able to see where his arms and legs are at, and be able to find his knife if he needs to cut a line or some tree branches? Sure, maybe I'm reaching, but it looks awesome.

To stay in tight formation for precision jumps at Cobra intramural football games? Because it looks badass? I don't care which.

Again, for me, it's about attention to detail, overall look, and accessories. This figure wins big in ALL of those categories. Overall look? Badass. Attention to detail? Check. I mean, the pouches, the dive fins, the hoses, helmet, goggles, the leg straps...it is one tight figure. I maybe wish the guns weren't blue, bit I can fix that with paint or a Marauder John order. Still, I like the idea of the machine gun with a bayonet. I mean, nothing says hardcore like automatic fire and a bayonet. That's some old-school trench warfare stuff, there. I will be buying every single one of these figures I see, until the Official Wife of LBAM starts grumbling legal-sounding nonsense about "neglect" or whatnot.

You can't make a figure with this many accessories and not expect me to love it. You just can't.

LBAM Rating: 11/10. That's right. Another 11. I need to find a system with more points.

Is this the best wave yet? It might just be. It faces stiff competition from Wave 7 and Wave 5...but it sure did include a lot of new tooling. Not that it'll stop the repaint-whiner nonsense. All in all, I love it.

Soon to come: Internet Exclusive Arctic Pack, Hellboy II figs.

Joe and Cobra Shelves (pic spam)

2008-08-07T16:52:00.012-04:00

I've begun arranging the second bedroom/study/toy-room in the new townhouse to my specifications. Here are some pics reflecting how I have joyously spent the last few days, and proof that teaching is great; in the middle of August heat, I get to stay in the AC and play with Joes.

I struggled with how to deal with display. I'm sick and tired of assembling flimsy fiberboard bookshelves from Target and/or Wal-Mart, and there are already no fewer than 9 bookshelves in our house, all already full of books, not to mention the one that didn't make the trip. Since it's a rented house I don't want to go installing shelves directly to the walls, which would be my preference. The solution for now appears to be these $11 plastic 4-tier units. They're stable, cheap, easily moved, and have a decent amount of display space per shelf, with enough room to reach in and move things around. The cardboard bits are acting as leveling shims, since the floor is actually sort of sloped; without them, wheeled vehicles go flying right off the shelves. I'll try to find something more presentable than that, or a way to trim and cover them. Now, on to the displays themselves.

Top shelf of the Cobra display; a basic Cobra assault team of two HISS tanks, 6 vipers, assorted troopers, a BAT, and Baroness in a Trouble Bubble. Also, a Snow Serpent, who seems a tad out of place (until I can get a few more).

Cobra High Command.

Copperhead, guarding the Weather Dominator (yes, it's mounted on the MASS Device for now, but it takes up less space that way).

They really don't make these in women's sizes.

Ninja.
Dreadnoks.

Hasbro needs to make some more Dreadnoks, so I have an excuse to get more 1:18th scale hawgs.

Crimson Guard Fire Team.

The basic Joe Team, led by Hawk in his appropriately bad-ass bomber-jacketed incarnation.

Joe Motor-pool

Crankcase lives dangerously, with two wheels off a cliff and a shotgun in his hand.

Jetpack Squad, eagerly awaiting the release of Starduster. Note: since the Joes have taught me that the military has had functional jetpack technology since at least 1982, I demand that jetpacks be released for civilian use in time for my 30th birthday.

Currently, the bottom Joe shelf, featuring ~~B squad~~ other versions of various characters, the 07 Con Vamp, the Night Spectre, and two of my custom paint-jobs; Devil's Due Shipwreck and Quarrel.

Look Ma, no hands!

That'll do for now. The Lord of the Rings stuff will take some time and more shelving to set up, the small collection of DC direct stuff is already up (and will have pics added soon). I am having an internal debate at the moment about whether to display my Marvel Legends or liquidate them in order to make space, and to replace the characters I want with the upcoming 3 3/4 scale Marvel line.

The People You Meet on Toy Collecting Boards

2008-08-01T23:43:00.004-04:00

In the spirit of my "People You Meet in Grad School" posts, I'm going to start a new series here. I'm sure you can find examples of these folks on other internet forums, but toy boards are the only kind I frequent these days. Less and less, though, because even the LBAM can only read so much pointless, badly worded, misspelled nerd anger before giving up.

1. The Clueless Optimist

This guy is certain...certain...that his pet favorite object...be it figure, vehicle, or playset...is just around the corner and will cost an amount that fits comfortably into his budget. On the Joe boards, these guys tend to focus on the U.S.S. Flagg or the Terrordrome as the ultimate object of nerd lust. Despite what he might be told, even by representatives of the company, this guy insists it would be possible to set up a system whereby people pay the right price (in his mind, no more than $110 for something that cost that much in 1987) before the item is even produced, and Hasbro make them to fill these prepaid orders.

2. The Wily Stockpiler

This guy needs at least 3 of everything, and may wind up with up to 70 of any one individual carded fig because he is planning on retiring based on his toy collection someday. He is sure to constantly point out what a great deal he got on whatever it is someone else is posting about, or how many of some rare variant he has. He is liable to offer one of said rare variants in trade for an entire collection (provided they meet his strict standards, of course) and then acts relieved and talks about what a stupidly rich offer he made when he is predictably turned down. He talks about the "sources" he has and how he cannot reveal them because they contain his "backup stash."

Special Bonus Subset: The Elite Master Uber-Collector. Not only does this guy need 3 of everything, it all has to be in special UV blocking collector cases, placed into special airtight, lead-lined cases, then sealed in a safety deposit box in a bank with armed guards, dogs, electric fences, and laser grid security. Preferably under a mountain. In Switzerland. Prone to harassing fellow collectors who possess an object they want. A toy played with or handled or put on a shelf, ever, is a toy wasted.

3. The Socialist Radical

You goddamn well better leave at least 1 of every figure you find on the pegs or this guy will find you and he will bash your face in with pure Pinko rage. Why aren't you leaving figures for other collectors? You are a scalper and a dealer and you are a terrible human being if you buy that last B.A.T. or Snow Serpent ~~before he can buy it~~ without giving some fellow collector a chance. How dare you buy what you want when you can afford it? You are destroying the hobby. Note that this kind of whining from this guy is only likely to apply to figures that fit one of the following categories:

1. He doesn't have it
2. He doesn't have enough of them

If he doesn't want it, already has it, or if it is a figure that has been on shelves for more than a month or two, he isn't remotely interested.

Of course, if it's not you destroying the hobby by, you know, participating in it and buying things, it's the company destroying the hobby by putting out exclusives for con attendees, or variant figures, or any of the other things collectors like to get their hands on. This fine fellow is also likely to bitch, mightily, about the price of toys, and how it is filthy corporate greed, and not the price of oil, that drives up the price of products that are made of oil. A figure should cost what it did in the old days, $2.89. Maybe $4.50 at the absolute most. If we all organized and stopped buying toys they'd change it! Attempts to use logic to explain this are, as in most cases on the internet, futile. Prone to suggesting the following things: boycotts (defeating the purpose of collecting), buying toys in order to mail them back to the company, harassing managers about ordering more stuff, confronting companies at cons about their conspiracies against collectors. Excepts to be lauded as a hero for these. Might, as an extra special bonus, claim that anyone selling something (namely something he wants) on eBay is in fact breaking the law by not having a reseller's license from his/her home state. Persists despite being constantly told that a reseller's license is what a retailer needs to insure payment of sales tax, not something a 3rd party needs to sell personal property on eBay. Their logic does not resemble earth logic.

4. The Customer Service Nightmare

He wants his toys handled like plutonium and constantly bitches about how the employees don't automatically understand how IMPORTANT not putting the slightest bend in the card is. In fact, this guy probably goes to customer service to scream at people he knows can't scream back the instant a card gets bent by a cashier who is making $7 an hour and has no idea that cards are in any way important. This delightful human specimen probably also tries to get employees fired if they don't immediately run to the stockroom to pull cases for him. He is shocked, SHOCKED when people don't immediately sympathize with him. Even more shocked if someone calls him out for being a total ass.

5. Mrs. Lovejoy

"The children...won't someone please think of the children?"

6. The Insider

This guy has sources. He knows exactly what's up. He can tell you exactly what exclusives are coming out and at what stores, and is months ahead of what the new waves of toys are. Note that this guy is actually useful, excepting the rare special kind of Insider: the bullshit artist. This guy gets away with predicting that, say, the U.S.S. Flagg will be revealed to be a store exclusive at B.J.'s or Costco or Sam's Club (or perhaps all three!) at an upcoming con. Surprisingly, no one calls him on his crap when that utterly fails to come true.

7. Chicken Little

"Death of the line!"

Everything a company does is wrong. If they license the property for a movie or a comic, everything the creative people do with it is wrong (sometimes even goes so far as to say his/her own fan fiction is better). The figures are poorly painted. The articulation sucks. The character choice is wrong. The accessories are cheap and stupid. The color choices are wrong. Also prone to conspiracy theories (reinforced by the Socialist Radical) about how the retailer is trying to kill off a line or frustrate collectors. Expects threats to "openly condemn" upcoming movies/comics/toy releases/TV shows to be taken seriously by fellow collectors.

There. More later, perhaps.

Wave 9, Sans Pictures

2008-07-22T22:59:00.003-04:00

The LBAM, the Wife of LBAM, and the Cat of LBAM are all in temporary quarters at the Mom of LBAM's House while waiting for their new townhouse to be ready. This means that there isn't adequate space to take pictures of Wave 9, the first wave of vehicles, or the DVD packs that I have acquired in that time, so this review...the first of many to catch up on...is going to be without pictures. I shall attempt to go back and add them later on.

Wave 9 is a return to form after the slight letdown of Wave 8. Perhaps the best yet (I say this almost every time, I realize...but such is the quality of this line).

Barbecue - If one of the purposes of the 25th Anniversary/Modern Era line is to simultaneously act as homage to and improvement on the original characters/figures (and I think it's safe to say it is) then Barbecue is a stunning success. He immediately evokes the original figure, yet is a decided improvement in most ways. I suppose that's true of a lot of these figures, but Barbecue more so. For some reason, looking at that figure, I really see the original, which isn't necessarily always the case. I do wish one feature of his original figure had been carried over, that being the ability to stow his nuzzle (the one at the end of the hoose) on his leg. Hasbro has shown the ability to make removable helmets, face masks, and goggles (comic-pack Crimson Guard, Torpedo, Wild Weasel) and Barbecue would really, really benefit from something like that. I understand why he doesn't have one; extra costs and that, rising price of oil, trying to keep a reasonable price point, etc etc. It is of course, also entirely possible that they may have tried to sculpt a removable helmet or face mask of some kind, and it just proved impracticable. I'm not trying to penalize the figure for it or anything, but it would be the difference between a good and a great figure in this case.

Additionally, I am again impressed by the re-use of a mold here; the Snow Job torso/legs are proving to be far more versatile than I would have ever imagined.

Bazooka - Bazooka - Bazooka doesn't figure much in my memories of the original comic series (although being grossly obese during the beginning of the Devil's Due run was pretty amusing) and he was a moron in the cartoon series. I never had the original figure. He wouldn't have been on any list I would've constructed of "characters I'd like updates of." And yet I really, really like this figure. Sure, the single-jointed knees are a little out of place, but how much does that really impede posing this particular figure? You have "firing missile while standing straight," or "firing missile while kneeling" or "firing missile while prone" or "riding in vehicle." I really don't see a need for any other variation, and have no problem getting him into any of the above. The accessories, as has been the case lately, really make Bazooka a winner; the notion of giving him multiple rockets that fit into his launcher, of making the launcher portable via the backpack, and the actual usability of the launcher itself all get high marks. He is, however, crying out for a long gun of some sort to carry while his launcher is stowed. Being the armor-defeating missile specialist is all well and good, but the guy is totally up a creek in a firefight with an infantry patrol. Marauder Inc. to the rescue; I am very curious to see how he looks with any of a number of rifle choices, but given that my entire collection excepting Wave 9, Doc, and the first wave of vehicles are in storage for another week, there's no chance of that anytime soon. Given his size, I expect something larger than the average assault rifle, though. And speaking of size, I quite like his hulking stature, and it makes me certain that his mold is going to be seeing re-use. Let me say again that I am all for the re-use of molds, because it helps keep the line profitable, and a profitable line means more characters and vehicles over all.

LBAM Rating - 8.5/10 - A removable visor or helmet of some kind would mean a 10.

But please, please don't let Bazooka's mold see re-use as the Fridge. Please. Big Boa, maybe. Tiger Force Bazooka is a near certainty (and, sucker that I am, I'd buy it). God help me, I'd even take something off the wall like Captain Grid-Iron or Super-Soldier (they should be big guys, right?). But I draw a firm line at the gimmicky use of an over-rated football player from the 80s. Incidentally, the Baltimore Ravens defense of 2000 was better than the 85 Bears. There. I said it. Points allowed back me up. Deal with it.

At any rate, Bazooka is a really solid entry in the line, and I am very curious to see what they do with his torso mold.
LBAM Rating - 8/10

Hawk - Hawk - Now THIS is the ass-kicking gun-toting Hawk I remember. Sure, he kicked ass before he put on the bomber jacket. But the jacket makes the ass-kickery look _good_. This figure is just perfect. Perfect. The hand-molds make great firing positions. The limbs have great range of motion. The accessories, while few, are great updates of the originals. And besides, when you've got a bomber jacket and as many ribbons as Hawk does, who cares about accessories?

The detail on this figure is incredible. Grey highlights in the hair (which, incidentally, I don't mind being brown; sure, it was a marketing decision that blatantly underestimated the reasoning skills of 6-8 year olds, but I don't much care). The readable "Abernathy" on the breast pocket, the rows of ribbons. Hawk may be a simple figure but the execution is simply fantastic. Lacking the outstanding accessories of Torpedo or the style and heft of Iron Grenadier Destro (my top two of this line so far) the posability, excellent sculpting, and incredible detail make this one of my overall top 3.
10/10

Ninja-Ku Storm Shadow - When the first official shots of this figure I came out, I entertained notions of troop-building it, along the lines of the Red Ninjas. After all, wouldn't a handful of Black Ninjas make an impressive addition to the Cobra ranks on the shelves in my spare bedroom? Then I actually got the figure in hand. It's not a bad figure, certainly, and (say it with me...repaints are good for the line...repaints are a fact of life...repaints help keep the line profitable and healthy) I don't really mind repaints. That being said, this figure is just sort of boring. I really like the idea of paying tribute to some of the international figures, I do. Would it absolutely break the bank to include a different accessory or three, though? I honestly don't know, and if it would in fact do so, please let me know. But it seems like a set of nunchucks or a curved dagger or something would really be a difference maker here.
LBAM Rating: 6/10. I'll take repaints, but this one just bores me.

B.A.T. - I told myself I only needed one B.A.T, that troop-building them would be silly, that I didn't like them much as a kid. And while I certainly don't need loads of them, I am going to have to get a few extra, because this is probably my favorite Cobra troop-type so far. I'll stick to my limit of no more than a fire-team, but this is a more impressive figure than I had imagined. I do wish the machine gun attachment looked a little more like a machine gun and less like a 50's sci-fi ray gun. Other than that I have no quibbles; the detail and sculpting are just as good as on any of the 25th Anniversary figures. The weathered/battered paint applications on the various attachments, and on the exposed arm circuitry, really give it a solid "robot" feel that I really enjoy. I like the sidearm, I wish the grenade weren't bright yellow, and that there was a better stowage place for the spare hand (there is a little shelf on the inside of the backpack but it's rather iffy). I also wish I could get the left hand off withotu feeling like I'm going to break it (it always seems as though I will).
LBAM Rating - 9/10

Snow Serpent - Finally, Snow Job and Arctic Snake-Eyes have something to do. A really fantastic troop builder, great sculpting on the fur accents, the accessories are top-notch. The Arctic Snake-Eyes body really holds up well with the new detail and interesting webgear. The goggles on the head teased me; they felt like they might be movable/removable somehow, but didn't prove to be, which was a slight letdown, till I sat back and realized how awesome the figure was on its own merits. I do wish the rocket launcher would attach to the backpack more securely. The double-holes in the feet, to allow the wearing of the snow shoes simultaneous with being put on the stand, are genius. I can't wait to get a few more of these, and to have a solid Cobra Arctic Squad once the Internet Exclusives arrive.
LBAM Rating - 9.6/10

Comic Packs, Wave 4

2008-06-08T22:39:00.013-04:00

The day these came turned out to be an ultra crappy day. The power went out about 20 minutes after they arrived and didn't come back on for a solid 32 hours. I can live without constant internet and I can certainly live without TV, but no AC on the top floor of my non-shaded, brick oven of an apartment building in the middle of the first real heat of the season...that was undiluted misery. Anyway...let's just dive into the reviews, shall we?

Shipwreck

This figure is so close...so close...to perfection that it's damned annoying. Why the closed hand? I mean honestly, WHY? A closed fist is of absolutely no use on an action figure of this scale that is designed work with accessories. I like this figure a little better than the first Shipwreck; I like the colors, the paint-job is crisp, the inclusion of the anchor-rope is key, but the closed fist keeps it, like the original 'Wreck, from reaching its full potential. Going to have to do a hand-swap on this one, too...probably for the right hand on a spare Roadblock or something. Annoying.
LBAM Rating: 8/10 - Would probably push 9.5 or 10 if it weren't for the damn closed fist.

Where's the gun show, you ask? RIGHT here.

Copperhead

No terrorist organization ever had a bigger uniform budget...or spent it on more flamboyant clothing...than Cobra.

Once again, a damn near perfect figure. Not super-thrilled with the Roadblock body, and in my wilder dreams his helmet would be removable, but I can live with those. Once again, I don't like one of the choices of hand...Roadblock's left hand is suitable only for cradling the barrel of a long rifle, or perhaps wedging into the carry-handle, as shown. But the paint here is spot on to what I remember as a kid, and really, the legs take this figure to another level. The ingrained swamp mud is just perfect for the character; click on the pic, blow it up and look close. It's really a well-done effect, and that level of detail is what makes the 25th line fantastic.

Now please, please, please give us either a Moccasin or a Moray for him to pilot. Please. Even if the Moray costs upwards of $50, it'll totally be worth the nights I have to spend sleeping on the futon.

Firefly

I am of the "more accessories, the better" school. This makes Firefly 'better.' In fact I think this version is superior to the first even though it is certainly less true to the original Firefly.I like the darker colors, I like the new weapons, of course I like the wider variety of accessories...just a great figure all around. Not sure I can find any nits to pick.

Okay, that's a lie. His sidearm simply won't fit in the holster. I'm not sure if that is particular to some molding residue in my figure or something, so please, if anyone else is having that issue, please let me know.

Firefly is clearly a proponent of the Boy Scout motto.

I will almost certainly be getting a duplicate of this pack in order to make a custom Shockwave...and possibly a custom Kamakura.

LBAM Rating: 9.5/10 - No real weaknesses with this figure...just can't be giving out too many 10s, I suppose.

Storm Shadow

Everyone knows a ninja's bare skin is bulletproof.

This Storm Shadow is loaded for bear. Not sure why the kamas are tied together with a rope, but I guess it doesn't matter if I know; Storm Shadow does, and I'm certain he can do wicked martial arts nonsense with them. Or possibly just a really deadly version of ninja-jump-rope. This version of Storm Shadow comes with just the right amount of weapons, which is to say, lots. I'm not sure why Storm Shadow needs an uzi...I'm sure he knows how to use one, but even so, it's not exactly what one thinks when one thinks "ninja." The fantastic part though, is that it snaps into his freakin' backpack!

I cannot adequately convey how excited I was when I figured this out.

I guess it really doesn't take much to amuse me.

LBAM Rating: 9/10. Nitpick - Why give him a knife sheath and then not a knife? I find that Red Star's rather superfluous knife fits well enough.

Also...the climbing claw. I love it? But why didn't Storm Shadow v2 have one, damnit? Yet another reason to buy a 2nd pack.

Red Star

In Soviet Union, blog reviews you.

Red Star is pretty awesome. I'm not sure what else to say than that. I really wish he didn't have the Duke arms; I can fix the elbow articulation but I hate the wrists. I like his weapons, by and large, though I'm not entirely sure what they are. I like his webgear, I particularly like the removable hat and facial sculpt. In fact, other than the Duke arms/hands, there's nothing not to like about this figure. He's even got the Oktober Guard insignia on his arm!

Fear it, capitalist pig-dog!

LBAM Rating: 8.8/10, just missing a nine, for the Duke hands. It also inspires in me a sincere wish to see the rest of the Guard in 25th form...but I'm not holding out much hope for that.

Duke

Makes a better Grunt than Grunt...

Really not much to say here. Head-swapped with Grunt almost as soon as he was out of the package. Liked the colors on this body much better than those on Grunt from the 3-pack. Not really going to give this a ranking or a review...just think it makes a dandy Grunt.

As for the comics...the Duke/Red Star amused me. The Copperhead/Shipwreck was trying too hard. The Firefly/Storm Shadow was by far the best of these new comics, despite some cheesy dialogue, the appearance of Slice and Dice, and Tripwire in purple. (Please don't let Tripwire be purple when he comes out...please).

Now bring on those vehicles!

Wave 8.

2008-05-22T21:52:00.011-04:00

Today...was a good day.

My favorite local movie theater (just try pronouncing that with three syllables...I'll wait...go ahead. Isn't that more fun?) just happens to be in the same shopping center as a Wal-Mart and TRU. So as the Official Wife and I cruised on toward Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (verdict: loved it) we swung into Wal-Mart first and ducked down into the toy aisle. I expected, perhaps, to pick up a Viper or something.

There were two cases of Wave 8 (minus the 2nd Major Bludd) and two of Wave 7 on the shelf. Joy. Rapture.

So, for the first time ever, reviews with pictures. Please note, btw, I am still learning the particulars of my new camera (Sony CyberShot DSC H10) and the vagaries of photographing things as small as toys; any advice from those who know what they are doing would be appreciated.

For a change of pace, let's do Cobra first.

Python Patrol Officer

The garden needs weeds to set off the flowers, right?

Not terribly exciting. More visually interesting than the basic blueshirt; I dig the overall color scheme, though I am not sure the yellow is terribly effective as camouflage. The gun remains lame. Thankfully Marauder John can fix that with a few clicks of the mouse. I was about to speak about how I hope the rest of the Python Patrol figs remain similarly muted in a slight toning down of the garish original colors, but then I looked at a pic of the old PP Officer and realized all they did differently was not paint his kneepads, so I'm sure the PP CG and so forth will undoubtedly blaze in their yellow glory.
Overall Rating: 7.5. Novelty of the color scheme buys the mold another point.

Cobra Commander, with thingie* in jar

Tightly clutching the only reason to purchase him.

So, by purchasing this figure I am, as Al Swearengen might say, "grabbin' ankle." I am Hasbro's whore. Why did I buy him, you ask? Without him, I wouldn't have a complete MASS device from the battlepacks.

Please, Hasbro, be gentle. Use lube. And protection.
LBAM Rating: 8/10. The color is nice? The helmet stripe is cool? I'm just trying to justify spending seven bucks on a MASS Device Element in a jar here. Humor me.

Blue Baroness

Now pout. Give me sad. You lost your favorite Euro assault rifle. It's gone forever. Pout!

Still sexy, lethal, and rocking the designer eyewear, this time the opaque green goggles from the cartoon. Nice. I really dig this new headsculpt; I think it is a vast improvement over the 'hunchbacked' appearance the first Baroness hair-sculpt inadvertently gave. But couldn't she at least have a backpack? A sidearm? A knife? A whip? She definitely stands up straighter than the first Baroness, again, probably due to the hair. I like it, all in all. Now, dangit, let's get Zarana and Zanya and Lilian Osborne so Baroness ain't the only chick at the sausage fest that is Cobra.
LBAM Rating: 9/10. The new headsculpt and shiny silver emblem bump it up a bit.

Major Bludd

From a cover shoot for a Soldier of Fortune feature story.

I'm just going to ignore all the complaints about what Hasbro should have done (the Zartan body works; get over it) and enjoy the figure I've got. Major Bludd is my second favorite Cobra associate (behind Destro, duh) and I think this is, all in all, a stellar action figure. I like that Hasbro is swinging for the fences with things like the face sculpt, the detachable rockets, the detailing on his right arm.
But as much as I do like the figure, I think all those swings resulted in, at best, doubles off the wall and not home runs. The dogtags keep riding up the neck. The completely unarticulated arm kills me; yes, I know it's faithful to the original but why can't things be improved? And the rockets. Dear God, the rockets.

See this picture, with the rockets all displayed? I hope you enjoy it because since I took it an hour ago I can't get them all back in the freakin' backpack to stay. I am one more attempt away from super-gluing the sonsabitches in there. It is annoying as all hell. I LOVE the attention to detail here, I really, really do, and I am always for more accessories and anything that adds play value. But couldn't there be pegs in the backpack for the rockets, instead of this weird slide/lock system? There are already holes in the rockets...sigh.
LBAM Rating: 8.5/10 - This could be, and nearly is, one of the absolute gems of the line. I don't care about the reused Zartan parts, not one bit. It just irks me to see something come so close to greatness and then crap the bed at the end (yes, I'm thinking of you, 1997 Orioles).

Roadblock
Just excited to have a gun he can hold in reasonable firing positions.

I'm not entirely certain why we needed another Roadblock this soon, but I think I actually like this one better than the first. I definitely like this gun better, because he can at least hold it in more than one fashion. The first is pretty much limited to "carrying crosswise across the body." I do wish he had better hands this time around, but I'll take the bad with the good. I like the vest, I like that he's actually wearing some ballistic protection this time around (yes, Roadblock, it's badass to go into combat wearing just a t-shirt...badass and freakin' stupid) though I do wish it wasn't such a bright green. I'm considering painting it but it looks like a pain in the ass.
LBAM Rating: 8/10 What's the matter, you can't give the guy a sidearm? A knife? Backpack? Helmet?

Tiger Force Flint
That's right, I can hold my shotgun with both hands now.

Please, please, please Hasbro, please put arms more like this on future releases, especially any time you're considering using the Duke arms. Please. Sure, they're maybe a little over muscled, but they are capable of posing and assuming natural firing positions. Personally, I love Tiger Force (not as thrilled with Python Patrol, but take the good with the bad). I even painted a Wave 1 Flint in Tiger Force colors; would love to provide comparison photos, because I think I came pretty close to the right stripe pattern on the torso, and the colors weren't too far off (I messed up the head and got paint on the face, which I painted over with a flesh color that just didn't quite work, so that Flint looks like he's had a skin graft).
Frankly, this is Flint the way he should have been. One hundred percent arrogant badass, zero percent bullshit. That's really all I have to say about it.

LBAM Rating: 10/10

This is my good side. Make sure to get this.

Snake Eyes in Arctic Gear

Even in a heavy parka, 1000% more badass than you.

Is this an entirely new mold, excepting the head, for Snake-Eyes in a parka? I figure they'd just popped Snake-Eyes head with different accessories onto Snow Job's body, but after a close look, I don't think so. The parka has none of the same features, the legs are entirely different, the boots are way different. And this figure has heft and size. This makes Snakes look like a damn big dude, which lends credence to the theory that we're going to see a Kwinn head on this body before too long; Hasbro doesn't make any mold in order to use once. Maybe we'll see other arctic Joes.
I dig the color scheme, I really dig the heavy texture and feel of this figure, and the accessories are spot on. I'll paint on a few details on the backpack, maybe a little black wash. The sword is the best sword to come with a Snake-Eyes figure yet, and even the Uzi is more substantial and realistic...but I'll probably still crack and replace it with a Marauder Uzi at the first opportunity.
The best part about Arctic Snake Eyes? Snow Job finally has somebody to hang out with.

So lonely...it's been so lonely. *choke*

LBAM Rating: 10/10. Love everything about it.

So, is this the best Wave of 25th Anniversary figures? No. It's not as good as Wave 7, and it won't be as good as Wave 9, but it is a solid entry, heavy on the repaints, perhaps...but repaints keep the line profitable and growing, and that's a good thing. Now bring on those Wave 4 Comic Packs.

*A technical term. We spare no expense in researching the latest jargon here at the LBAM blog-o-rama.

Some Test Photos

2008-05-16T23:19:00.008-04:00

Just a few test pictures with the brand new camera. Still getting to know it and figuring out the settings and various toys on it.

He demanded his own makeup artist, special imported water, and a trailer with AC. Dick.

A very small, very green Justice League.

Guarding the tobacco. Even I'm afraid to reach for it.

The real precious.

That'll do for the time being. Expect some shots of Joes in the not too distant future.

Wave 7! Woot!

2008-05-13T21:12:00.003-04:00

Wave 7 might be the best damn Wave yet for overall value and in-your-face awesomeness. Sure, there's another Duke and a different version of Snake-Eyes, but two solid troop builders and two awesome new Joes. Let's jump right to the reviews.

Snake Eyes v3 - This is a Snake Eyes who has forsaken all human contact for ninety days in order to meditate upon just how he could achieve ever higher levels of badassery.
His answer is simple: more weapons.
Seriously, the man has two knives, a sword, a three-section staff, an uzi, and his so-lethal-they-have-to-be-registered-in-fifty-states hands and feet! He has no need of human contact; he has found his true love in lethal cutlery, and it has found him. One does wonder why, unlike the original 1989 version of this Snake Eyes, he doesn't come with a blowgun, though. Perhaps Hasbro just thought it would be overkill? Who knows? Who cares? Why would he use a blowgun, anyway? Just to give himself a little more of a challenge, perhaps?
All that aside, this figure flat out rocks. The ability to detach the knives and wield them is a brilliant touch, and a wonderful realization of the capabilities of the 25th Anniversary design. Ditto, the night vision goggles mounted on his head, though removing them does leave an unsightly hole. I do feel like, as awesome as this figure is, there could still be room for improvement; a better looking sword, for instance, or a better fit for the uzi in his hand. The sling is also a wonderful idea but slightly hampered by being pegged into his shoulder and glued in place, limiting its usefulness. Note that a determined tug will lift it free, but might peel some paint. The carabiners on his belt rock without qualification.
Still, I think this is the coolest Snake Eyes so far, if not the "definitive" Snake Eyes (probably the v2 with Timber). I personally love this one, but I realize others don't. It is, however, my blog, so when it comes to the rating, others can kiss my hairy Irish ass.
LBAM Rating: 9/10
Nitpicks: Those listed above. I hope I can replace the rather dinky sword with something cooler. Not sure about any of the other issues.

Duke, with Jetpack and Flag - It might be kind of odd that, for the first Joe with jetpack, they chose to make an homage to the opening of the just godawful G.I. Joe animated movie, but hey, it's Duke with a jetpack; no complaints from me. I even like the silver color of the stand and weapons flagpole and plan to tinker around with my 2nd Duke...(Grand Slam needed a jetpack too!) until I print out an Irish flag the right size to place over top the American. I have no problems, unlike many fellow nerds, with an international Joe team. They do need to make some fixes to Duke's articulation, though; the arms and hands are getting worse with each new reuse of them. Have I mentioned that I dig the silver color accents, including his shirt buttons?
LBAM Rating: 8/10.
Nitpicks: Please put the mold to rest for long enough to address the hand/wrist issue at least, if not the elbow articulation.

Wild Bill - The execution of this figure is nearly perfect, a practically flawless update of his original figure. And I really, really like it. But ultimately the green/brown colors that dominate this figure just make it a little bit boring (yes, I know, green is the dominant military color, followed closely by brown) but in some comics he has a sort of blue quilted look that could look really awesome in figure form (that sounded really gay). I do hope there is a later repaint of Wild Bill that includes more blue. I guess in some ways the contrast of the blue hat/green-brown everything else is a little jarring to me. The sculpt is great, though, and the removable hat and pistols are wonderful (though the pistols are so soft I'm a little afraid of bending them with each manipulation), though I wonder why they could paint the hat band gold but not the crossed swords? And shouldn't he also be wearing spurs, if he is in fact a member of the Order of the Spur, which I believe he has to be in order to wear the hat? Well, it's a great figure, and I really really like it....but the colors are just a little bit bland.
LBAM Rating: 8.5/10
Nitpicks: I don't know why the colors bug me a little, they just do.

Spirit Iron-Knife - As Robot Chicken once said, the G.I. Joe unit had "the most liberal dress code in the military." Spirit exemplifies that; fur lined buskins, leather trousers, loincloth, bone-handled knife, braids, and headband....these are not regulation.
Not that it matters, because Spirit rocks with all due hardness. Some have complained about the facial sculpt, but not I; I think it is one of the best and most interesting so far. The paint apps of his unit and rank patches are great, I love the giant frame backpack, the detachable ammo clips, the bone handled-knife, etc. I do wish there was more pant on the weapons; I am going to have to paint the knife blade and perhaps some details on the rifle and backpack at some later date.
Speaking of Spirit's weapon, I've often wondered what it is, and now I'm thinking it might be a modified Remington 700/M40, designed to fire little bolt-like projectiles. That seems the most likely explanation. Anyone else got a better one?
LBAM Rating: 9.5/10 - If his other knife was also detachable, instead of just molded onto his harness, this would be one of the top 2 or 3 figures of the line.
Nitpicks: I wish I didn't have to do the paint apps on backpack and rifle myself. Time to find some 'gunmetal' paint.

Cobra Viper - I fully expected there to be blood in the aisles and dead geeks everywhere as soon as these started hitting the stores, the way people were talking about wanting dozens of them. So far I have 2, one due to the kindness of a fellow collector, one I just found at a Wal-Mart while shopping for other things. (Okay. I was really shopping for Vipers, and happened to pick up other things...whatever. The details aren't important). I do like this figure, though nothing will ever convince me why they need a face shield and goggles. It's just kind of silly.
Now, the hands. The hands are a running controversy, with lots of people hating them because of the difficulty of posing them doing anything except holding their rifles (and in some cases, the difficulty of that).
I say, what else do you want a Viper to do? They are there to stand around, shoot poorly, and get killed. What should they be able to do?
This is really a great basic troop figure, though. Worlds better than the Cobra blueshirt trooper, with more gear, an actual ballistic vest (imagine that...issuing armor to your troops...what a novel concept) and grenades, plus the face-shield helmet. All in all a nice basic troop, if not the most thrilling thing in the world. Still, they look cool holding the rifle, though I hope to replace those rifles with something better soon.
LBAM Rating: 8.8/10 - Not quite enough to be a 9, but definitely superior to the blueshirt.
Nitpick: Some trouble standing, the goggles do come off awfully easily, and I would love for them to have a sidearm instead of two pockets.

HISS Driver - These guys are another testament to the ability of the people making this line to reuse parts in a way that isn't glaring or unattractive. I would have never, never looked at Flash's torso and arms and said "HISS Driver," but they did, and it works. I kind of wish they had flattened out the quilting on the little arm pads, but I can deal. I also seem to remember the original HISS Driver with a shinier, candy-red kind of color that I really liked (yes, I know...gay) and this red is kind of flat, especially on the helmet. Also, the helmet definitely seems to not have a hard shell around the mouth, but instead a black mask like that of the Cobra troopers. Kind of odd, but I can dig it.
LBAM Rating: 8/10.
Nitpicks: Wish the red was brighter. Side note; after spending some time in an actual HISS, my drivers' legs are really squirrelly. Anyone else have that problem?

Final Verdict: A fantastic wave. Superior to wave 6 (twice the size), and probably my favorite along with Wave 5. Wave 8 seems to be kind of ehhhh (yay Major Bludd, Tiger Force, Python Patrol...boo slightly different Cobra Commander). Keep 'em comin' Hasbro.

Toys R Us Exclusive G.I. Joe 3-Pack

2008-04-14T21:18:00.002-04:00

The advent of the Toys R Us Exclusives for G.I. Joe signal the end of my need to "complete" the line. I will almost certainly continue to buy all the single carded figures that get released, and at least all the smallish vehicles, but I feel no need to collect every pack full of repaints. This is not a criticism of Hasbro's choice of exclusives to release; corners have to be cut if something is only going to be in one store, obviously. But of the five TRU exclusive packs we have seen so far, the only one that interests me enough to grab it is the G.I. Joe Senior Infantry Command 3 pack, or whatever it's called. I am perhaps slightly intrigued by the Cobra Night Watch...but not enough to drop $25 on it. Now, if they get around to releasing 5 packs of Night Vipers, or God forbid, Alley Vipers....*quivering*...let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

At any rate, I have managed to snag the one 3 pack I wanted and am ready to do some reviewing.

Duke - I kinda like this Duke, honestly. The sort of greeny-white shirt is not bad looking, and the greyish web belt/sash isn't bad. Still, if they're gonna keep releasing this mold, can't they fix the dang arms? I don't care so much about the crotch; a little more leg movement might be better, but my Joes aren't hosting dinner parties where everybody needs to sit down. Still, if they're going to keep releasing him, would it kill anyone to improve him a bit?
Still an 8/10. No improvements of any kind, but no deductions. Not even better binocs? A non-Gung Ho backpack?

Hawk - I definitely think this Hawk is more interesting than the comic pack Hawk, and, bonus, he looks just as angry. I still question why a Brigadier General needs a rifle, an uzi, and a knife...and I'm not sure whether that's a signal of a unit you do or don't want to be in. His helmet is a nice touch, I guess, but once again, Hasbro fails to get all its stuff packed in the same bag. His card rank is listed as Brigadier General, but his helmet has a Silver Eagle painted on it...which is the rank insignia of a Colonel. headdesk headdesk headdesk Is it so hard to get these things right? Really? You don't have an intern to act as script supervisor/fact checker? Honestly? Is a star a whole lot harder to get on there than an eagle? Sigh. Note, however, he does have the Duke/Flint torso with different arms, which means Hasbro is aware it can be done.
LBAM Rating: 8/10 Solid, not spectacular, just like the previous Hawk. Really, this guy is just a placeholder till the Hawk v2 comes out; that is the Hawk I remember.

Grunt - Ahhh, Grunt. The original G.I. Joe infantryman, and, I am increasingly certain, my first Joe figure. I know I got a bunch of them all at once right around the time they first came out, and I'm sure Grunt was among them. I always had a soft spot for him, even though other characters quickly became more interesting; his file card didn't, and still doesn't, offer a whole heck of a lot of personality for the guy. The comics fleshed him out some, I know, but it seems like Grunt was always kind of pushed to the back in most ways. Still, I'm very glad to see Grunt getting the 25th Anniversary treatment. He deserves it, and while the figure is not as interesting as some, it certainly holds its own. I for one don't really mind the reuse of certain heads (that's what the old figures did, after all). I really think Grunt is solid, and I'm not at all disappointed I paid a bit over retail for this set.
LBAM Rating: 8.5/10. A very nice figure; I think they did the best they could with what they had to work with.

Target Exclusive Vehicles

2008-04-09T22:02:00.003-04:00

Time for a few more reviews. I'll deal with the vehicles and the drivers separately. I will also note that finding this was so ridiculously easy and stress free that I almost didn't know how to deal with it. Hopefully it'll be like that for everyone.

First up, the HISS Tank.

I hadn't actually planned on buying this one; the driver is not really the classic HISS driver, the blue color, etc etc. But when the floppy haired dude in Target's toy department brought out the entire case I just couldn't say no. I got a look at it and realized just how much I had played with the original, and how much this looked like it, and the blue wasn't so bad, and $10 ain't that much. We know how it played out.

Anyway, it's a solid vehicle; the driver is not thrilling (more on this later) but it is, for all intents and purposes, a wonderful update of the iconic HISS of my childhood. I'd like it better in black (but it looks like we're getting that in June!). I have always wondered about the design of the HISS, though, and its practicality. So you've got two cannons on a turret, fine, but the gunner is pretty exposed, and placing the driver in a canopy at the very front ain't a wonderful idea, either; it could take small arms fire, maybe, but I'm reasonably certain Zap or Bazooka or Salvo could wax the driver and more or less slag the tank with one good shot to that canopy. And that high profile? All those super exposed treads? Just doesn't seem, you know, terribly practical. But then, practical was never Cobra's strong point, I suppose.

I'll admit it is possible...just, maybe possible...that I am over-thinking this. Anyway, for pure nostalgia's sake (as soon as I held it in my hand, I was transported to age 8), I'll give this one a solid 8/10.
Nitpicks: I can handle the blue. Some of the decals leave a bit to be desired (I can't figure out if the front decal is a grill, or headlights, or what) and some are difficult to apply; had to break out the tweezers.

~~SHARC~~ Night Specter - Okay, fine, it's a "Night Specter" now. Sure. I know it's a SHARC, you know it's a SHARC, Hasbro knows it's a SHARC. Whatever.

Anyway, I like the color scheme here, the black/gray really works, the darkened canopy is cool, and I like the looks of the "teeth" decals on the front, but most of the decals show up a little too brightly given the black. Looking back at pictures of the old SHARC I think I like those decals a little better; they were a tad more understated.

My biggest gripe with this is, well...I'm not (generally speaking; I will not propose an absolute here, mind you) swooping my Joe toys through the air and going vroom and making the missiles fire at Cobra and such like. Mostly I'm putting them on shelves, rearranging them, enjoying them, and ~~only playing with them when the Official Wife of LBAM is not around~~ generally being an adult collector. And honestly, the Night Specter is not great for that. Stick it on a shelf that doesn't have lots of light hitting it, and it disappears, and it's a pretty static display anyway; you can't see much of a driver fig when you stick him in there. I much prefer being able to pose figures in/around/on a vehicle...can't do much of that with the Night Specter.

And boy, Hasbro sure does love this mold, eh? Ah well, it's a solid vehicle but not, y'know, thrilling. LBAM's rating: 6.5/10

AWE Striker - Now we're cooking with dynamite (which, admittedly sounds awesomely dangerous). The AWE Striker is everything I hoped for and more. Great for display, good to pose figures in and on, working suspension, and you can't imagine how much fun it is to make your cat chase it by giving it a good hearty shove across a carpeted floor. The thing moves. Just make sure the cat doesn't eat the recoilless.

Speaking of the recoilless...it's great that it's remote aimed with the camera in front of the passenger. But how does it get loaded? There's no rear stand for a loader, no ammo anywhere that I can see (recoilless ammo is pretty big), and most recoilless rifles are breech-loaded anyway...it's a puzzle, that's for sure. If it's muzzle loaded, does that mean the passenger, or alternately, a guy hanging on the side, has to spend time loading it? It's inefficient.

I know, I know...too much thinking. Can't help it. Still, love this vehicle, though, really. LBAM Rating: 9/10

I can't wait for some more vehicles to come out for the 25th Anniversary Line, and I look forward to putting more decals on, pain in the arse it might sometimes be; it was a wonderful gateway to reminiscence. Of course, mostly that reminiscence was me asking my dad if I could put the decals on and him saying, "Sure, but you'll get impatient and want to just play with it." And, y'know, generally he was right.

Now, onto the figures.

HISS Tank Driver - Meh. What's with the super-soft plastic helmet? His camo pants are alright, I guess. Lacking weapon, stand, and knife don't do much for him, either. LBAM Rating: 5.5/10. I think this is the lowest rating handed out so far. Can't wait to replace this guy with the actual HISS driver from Wave 7.

Crankcase - I was surprised how well the combo of parts generally came together here, and the color scheme is nice. Not sure I dig the chinstrap beard thing he's got goin' on. And geez, Hasbro, do we really need to propagate the closed fist? I hated it on Shipwreck, and I'm running out of Cobra officers to swap hands with. I really hate closed fists. LBAM Rating: 7/10

Grand Slam - Wow. Just wow. I know it's just a straight repaint of Flash, and I know he should've come with the HAL or at least the Jump Jet Pack, a stand, a weapon, whatever. Grand Slam was one of my favorites as a kid, and I love this repaint. The darker green, the silver, the black...just fantastic. Really came together well. LBAM Rating: 9/10. Note: when I get a spare Wave 7 Duke and hand off his Jet Pack to Grand Slam, this probably becomes a 10/10. Also, Grand Slam looks great with the Heavy Plasma Disruptor from Marauder, Inc. I know it's a sci-fi gun, but I've always seen him as a pretty sci-fi dude.

Anyway, that's all for now...hopefully I'll be back in a week or two with reviews of Wave 7! And maybe I'll get around to writing about something that isn't purely 25th Anniversary Joe.

G.I. Joe 25th Anniversary Comic Packs

2008-02-23T19:44:00.004-05:00

Continuing the only thing I have done much of on this blog (blame lack of pics on catastrophic camera failure), reviews of the 25th Anniversary Comic Pack Figures, as well as comments on the new comics.

Wave 1

Hawk and Scarlett - Hawk is simple and clean, a very nice update of his 1982 original. I do hope Hasbro does release Hawk v2, as rumored, because that version of Hawk is more visually interesting. I also wish this particular Hawk featured silver web gear (while there have been rumblings of a variant that does, I haven't seen any verification) and I am forced to ask two questions; why does a General need a rifle or a knife? Carrying a pistol seems almost de rigueur for Hawk, so that's fine. Also, I am conflicted about the particular rifle Hawk carries anyway; it looks likely to show up with future figs, and I have a kind of nostalgic attachment to it, since it was the basic weapon carried in the cartoon. While my adult brain recognizes that the quality of the cartoon is, uh, questionable, at best, the kid in me thrills at the thought of being able to pose a large squad of Joes with the weapon. To paraphrase a friend, I am a rich and varied tapestry of contradiction.

Uh, anyway...Hawk. Right. A very nice figure, kind of a boring design, but then, the Original 13 all looked like basic soldiers of the era, so that's fine. The headsculpt looks somewhere between 'angry' and 'God, I haven't had a good crap in six days.' Which, I suppose, would make the man angry. Makes me wonder if maybe Cobra's latest plot is to slip constipating agents into the Joes' water supply, intending to strike when they're all crippled with pain. That sounds about par for the usual level of competence one comes to expect from Cobra High Command.

LBAM Rating: 8/10. Solid, not spectacular. In the words of Dom Deluise's Emperor Nero; "Nice. Not thrilling...but nice."

Scarlett - No real rating for her. I did like the comic pack head enough (more vibrant color in the hair) to pop it off and throw it on my 5-pack Scarlett. Also swapped crossbows. Then I repainted Scarlett as Quarrel. Not going to try to rate my own paint job.

As for the other Wave 1 Comic Packs? Not a chance. Duke is one of my favorite characters, and I'll gladly grab future variants, but not the ugly one in the Duke/CC comic pack. Ditto the SE/SS pack. No thanks.

Wave 2

Destro - My completely non-sexual crush on Destro is well documented in other reviews. I do not, however, really thrill to the purple-clad variant here, except for the vac-metal head. Which, like I imagine many other collectors did, I promptly popped off and stuck on the 5-pack Destro, who should've had one in the first place. That raises that Destro's rating to a proper 10/10, and leaves this one (who I am contemplating attempting to turn into an Alexander Destro) at, say, 7.5/10. Purple?

Breaker - So, his head is a little big, but so what? I only notice it if I concentrate. The bubblegum is a fantastic touch by Hasbro, and I think it is well carried out. Like most of the other originals, Breaker wouldn't necessarily be particularly visually interesting, but I think the headgear and the bubble do a good job of dressing him up, as it were. I do wish his backpack wasn't just a straight repaint of Flash's. Not sure why he comes with two pistols and no rifle. My Breaker, thanks to Marauder, is now toting one pistol, an M4, and a cell phone in his spare holster (closest thing to a tech gadget I've got that'll fill the spot). I like this figure very much, but wish the beard was more pronounced.
LBAM Rating: 8/10.

Torch - Now this is what anarchist bikers look like. The chain-adorned leather vest with the gang symbol on the back. The tattoo on the back of his wrist. This figure even looks like he smells bad. Large, threatening, none too bright, brutal; Dreadnok. Well done. He could probably hold his torch a bit easier, however, with a little work it sits nicely and braces against his chest. The fella could use a sidearm. I realize that the original never had one either, but I don't see Zartan letting the Dreadnoks carry nothing but welding gear or other tools to a gunfight. Nice to be able to remove the tank from his backpack; lends posing possibility. Another successful update.
LBAM Rating: 9/10

Ripper - Take everything I said about Torch and then turn the dial up a bit. Just a wonderful update and a great biker terrorist. Properly armed, at that, with his idiosyncratic rifle. I have no complaints about this figure, at all. Especially now that I finally, and I mean in the last 5 minutes, I figured out how to attach the jaws of life to his backpack. Yes, I am highly educated, but I am not an engineer, nor am I mechanically inclined.
LBAM Rating: 10/10. Now bring on Monkeywrench, Road Pig, Zarana, Zandar, and please, please, Zanya. Zartan's daughter deserves a figure, damnit!

Wave Three

Ace - Ace, Ace, Ace. Ace is the little brother Randy from A Christmas Story; "I can't put my arms down! I can't put my arms down!" I honestly can't get him to put his arms down unless I take off that harness he wears, and I'm not sure if I like the figure better without it or not, which just shows how non-thrilling this figure is. He does look rather more like an astronaut than a fighter pilot (though I'd gladly stick him in my old Skystriker if I can get my hands on it). Just not a particularly well designed figure, though I have a sense they did the best they could. I mean, have you checked out the original Ace? No matter how much you dress up ground beef, it ain't steak. Also, mine is just as wall-eyed as the character Jon Cryer played in Hot Shots.
LBAM Rating: 6/10. Lowest rating so far.

Wild Weasel - I am constantly amazed at the way the people designing this line are capable of reusing molds and parts, yet managing to make really distinctive characters. Wild Weasel is proof of that. What percentage of the figure reuses parts from Snow Job? Would you call it 90%? Different belt, different thigh accessories, new head, different paint. And yet Wild Weasel looks truly distinctive. Love the detachable visor; would love it more if it flipped up. I absolutely hate the molded knife; I realize not every single weapon or grenade or piece of gear on a figure can be detachable, but the initial euphoria of realizing that where once was a molded handgun-in-holster shape resides an actual removable sidearm in the 25th Anniversary line has made me greedy. I want every knife or handgun to be its own accessory, damnit! Wild Weasel is an excellent figure, regardless, and I almost hope they don't make an updated Rattler, because I don't want to have to hide it from the wife.
LBAM Rating - 9/10

Scarface - A Cobra officer with character, AND an AK. Well done, Hasbro. Definitely less boring than the first Cobra officer, and I like that the scars a bit on the subtler side, rather than the vivid red I was expecting. He looks great with a Marauder briefcase, and would look even better with a trench coat.
LBAM Rating - 8/10 Small changes make the man.

"Fred" Crimson Guard - I really like the removable helmet; it offers possibility for Crimson Guard disguises and the like. Makes one wonder why all the CGs weren't done like this, but there's probably a good reason I don't know about. And while I really like the look of the M1 rifle they gave to him...guh? Ok, I realize it is a popular civilian model and that one can actually purchase one through surplus programs by meeting certain qualifications. That might give some credence to the idea of a deep cover CG having one around; it's easily explained. That being said, I'm not sure that the CGs would sign up for a program like that because it would create too much of a paper trail of identical men owning military surplus rifles.

Yes, I am thinking about this too much. I'll hang onto it in case there is ever a 25th Anniversary Gung-Ho in dress blues released. In the meantime, Fred leads my CG squad.

LBAM Rating: 9/10. Removable helmet and actual face bump this figure up a notch.

Tomax/Xamot - I'm not going to bother writing separate reviews for these guys. Basically I think they both look very good, but I'm not sure that "great" is in order. The sash/collar/pauldron look great, but the pauldron falls off far too easily. The headsculpt is a little odd in profile, with an extremely flat nose. And the guns look like...I'm not sure what they look like. I'm really not. And green? I would have rather seen the oversize lazer-tag lookin' things the originals toted. Additional gripe; the tiny little knife and teeny-tiny little gun on their thighs? I'm already on record as hating molded-on, non-removable accessories. But in this case, the look of the molded-on weapons...are they each carrying a derringer and a spare steak knife? The hell?

All in all, these figures are a great update of their originals, but to me, they appear roughly as threatening some of the more cheaply costumed folks at the Renaissance Faire. The look has not aged well.

LBAM Rating - 8/10

Edit: Will get to the SE/SS pack later, perhaps tomorrow.

Quick Comments on the New Comics:

The Fred/Scarface comic was decent. Passable. Made me laugh a tad at Mindbender. But the Twins comic? What the hell? Is this some kind of new comic storytelling paradigm where you neglect to include a narrative of any kind, and throw in crappy art as a bonus? And the new silent issue? Is it even possible to follow that without the original silent issue in hand? I'm certain these were rushed, but still. Lame.

GI Joe 25th Anniversary Wave 6

2008-02-15T21:51:00.004-05:00

Had to jump through a few hoops to get Wave 6 into my hands tonight. UPS attempted to make their delivery at 1:30, while I was helping some very earnest kid polish his application to Teach for America (and good luck to him; they do good work). So, desperate for the sweet, sweet plastic, I headed over to the UPS center and picked it up.

The Official Wife of LBAM made me wait till we finished dinner to even open the box though. Geez.

At any rate, I am downright impressed with this wave. Sure, it's a bit small, but if going slow or pushing figures back is going to keep the quality this high, I am all for it.

Battle-Armor Cobra Commander - This is not your 5-pack Cobra Commander. Nor your hooded CC. Not even your black-suited formal-wear Cobra Commander. Oh no.

This is a Cobra Commander who is fully prepared to jack you in the nuts to achieve his goals. This guy ain't some sniveling coward sending legions of blueshirts or vipers to do his dirty work. No, sir. This CC is ready to kick ass and chew bubblegum.

And he is, in fact, all out of gum.

I didn't have the original fig as a kid. My buddy did, and I don't recall liking it terribly much. But I am very pleased with the amount of detailing on the armor...especially the gauntlets and greaves. I don't much like the air-hose into the helmet, but there isn't much to be done about it; removing it would leave an unsightly hole in the middle of the mask. His submachine gun/machine pistol is pretty neat, as is his weird ass backpack. I read lots of complaints that this look for CC was the beginning of the descent of the GI Joe line, but now I definitely disagree. Sci-fi elements were there from the beginning (lasers as man-portable weapons and jetpacks, for example) and this sort of battlefield armor is really only an extension of that. A very well executed figure, almost certainly the best Cobra Commander so far.
LBAM Rating: A solid 9/10.
Nitpicks: No working holster for the weapon. Backpack doesn't fit quite as snugly as I'd prefer.

Rock'n'Roll - The sheer awesome this guy is throwing out reaches out and grabs the viewer by the throat. Keep small pets and infants away from him, folks, lest they be sucked into the vortex of ass-kickery that radiates out from him, suddenly sprout bitchin' blond beards, begin surfing, pumping serious iron, totally rocking out on the bass, and lightin' tango fools up with a machine gun that you couldn't even carry.

There is nothing wrong with this fig. Nothing. Sure, I might say I'd rather see him with a sidearm than a knife-sheath, but it is in every way a clean, classic, improved revision of the original '82 figure. I'm certain to be in the minority on this, but I even like his rather anachronistic weapon, which appears to be a German M42. Granted, elements of the M60 were based on the M42, but ultimately it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for Rock to be toting a WWII era German weapon.

You know what? I don't care. It looks great. It looks like his original weapon*. I've replaced most of my Joes' weapons with Marauder stuff, but Rock is keeping this.

LBAM Rating: A 9.8/10. That's right. I don't have to grade by halves. I pare it down to tenths.
Nitpicks: Sidearm. He really should have one. I can put one in a spare hand, but there's no holster.

Torpedo: Holy. Freakin'. Crap. This might...just might...be the single best (non-IG Destro) figure released so far in this line. His detailing is perfect. The removable mask is genius. Paint is great. The face sculpt is reminiscent of the Torpedo I remember from the cartoon (don't remember him much in the comic). Did I mention that the removable mask is genius? Probably the single best non-weapon accessory so far in the line (best accessory overall? IG Destro's sword and sheath, duh). Peg holes on the flippers? Brilliant. This figure is a pinnacle of 1:18th scale design and execution. I feel privileged to own it. Yes, I am allowed some hyperbole.
LBAM Rating: A 10/10. Great fig.
Nitpicks: Don't dig on the speargun. SEALs don't carry freakin' spearguns unless they're fishing. Get real. Soon, though, it will be replaced by a Marauder MP5.

Line-wide nitpick: Okay, I know that Hasbro has lost some trademarks on names like Flash, Stalker, etc. This is why we get "Sgt. Flash" and "Sgt. Stalker" and "SSgt Rock'n'Roll." Now, I also understand that fans are still going to call these figs Flash, Stalker, and Rock'n'Roll. Even so, what's starting to annoy me is the difference between these new additions to the code names, and the rank given on the filecard. Rock'n'Roll is called a Staff Sergeant, but is listed at E-5, a step down. Flash is named Sergeant, but listed at E-4. Torpedo is now officially "Lieutenant Torpedo" but is listed as a Warrant Officer. So why call him a lieutenant? I just don't get it.

Coming Soon: Reviews of comic pack figures. And, hopefully, a working digital camera so I can take more pictures.

*Which, incidentally, was permanently lightened on one side by someone who will go unnamed by vomiting an impressive amount of semi-digested creamed corn on it during a post dinner Joe battle. Fact: it was not me. That narrows it down a bit, given that it was the LBAM household circa 1984. Not sure how it missed the fig...and all other figs, in fact, and just got the gun...but it did. Strange, the things that stay with you after 23 years.