Resolute Box Set: Cobra

G.I. Joe Resolute was, at least among the Joe fan community, a highly anticipated animated movie that received a baffling, staggered release in chunks of a few minutes at a time on Cartoon Network. Given that I was on vacation in England at the time, I didn't really see all of it as it debuted, nor did I pay much attention to it. When I did finally see it, my reaction at first was quite positive, mostly rooted in the thought that it was way better than anything Sunbow or DiC ever did with the property in animation.

Then I got a copy of it and was able to watch it more carefully, and I realized they got most everything wrong. Characterization was completely off; Cobra Commander was money hungry? Storm Shadow was just a single-minded villain? Duke and Scarlett were together with only a hint at bad history between Scarlett and Snake-Eyes? Zartan was just a psycho with a case of blood lust who gets shot in the back while he's fucking monologuing? Tunnel Rat was assigned to lead a mission to do something with...weather balloons? (I'm not really sure what happened there, still, after three viewings). And Baroness and Destro do nothing except show up and get captured. Now, this is not a blog post to just be a take-down of Resolute; for a really good view of what was wrong with it, go ahead and take a gander at Compulsive Collector's really effective comparison with Rise of Cobra.

But what was right with Resolute? Even if all the character personalities were wrong (or more often nonexistent) the character designs were all pretty freaking great. And character design is what leads to the toys. And the toys are, at long last, a year and 2 months after the series aired, here. And for the most part, they are great.

Cobra Commander

Let's just get this one out of the way. It's the same Cobra Commander that came out in December 2008. It is still my favorite Cobra Commander, but I sure don't need two of them.

Yeah, if you already have Resolute CC, you paid 6 bucks for a snake-themed dagger. Sucker.
And you also get a 2 pegged stand. So he's got that going for him.

LBAM Rating: Leaving aside the fact that it's the exact same figure as the original Resolute CC, I DO really like this, I just don't want to spend a lot of time covering old ground. It's quite reminiscent of the classic CC look with a nice parade-ground kind of flourish. I don't mind that the skirt impedes his articulation. An easy 8.5/10 IF you're considering it on its own merits. If I was taking into account the complete lack of new stuff added here, I'd probably knock it down just below 7. Ultimately that'd be pretty unfair given the vast amount of new stuff that really is in these packs. Not that it's gonna stop the bitching fanboys (more on that later).

Alley Viper

I know from Alley Vipers, and YOU, sir, are no Alley Viper.

Look, I'm not saying Alley Vipers have to be in Denver Broncos colors; the upcoming Red&Black A.V. is awesome and I can't wait to get my hands on him. But if you saw this figure without the name 'Alley Viper' attached to it, what would you think it was? Some sort of Cobra Heavy trooper or EOD tech, perhaps? But he's not an Alley Viper, and he never will be.

Neat new head design which I do look forward to seeing as a proper Alley Viper in the next two weeks or so.

Is this his Urban Camo? Weak. Sauce.

Neat vest he's got there. Let's place bets on when and how it will show up again; I'm guessing on some kind of Cobra blue-shirt themed troop builder pack; I have to say, and this will become a running theme throughout my reviews of these figures, one of the biggest strengths of the Resolute figures is the awesome variety of webgear/tac vests/armor they're wearing. I don't know how much those kinds of items cost to get made...much less, I'm sure, than the figure bodies...but I really hope that Hasbro does make use of them again. They would add some serious variety to the fairly homogeneous sets of webgear floating around out there. There is really a serious amount of detail going into them, front and back.

LBAM Rating: 7/10. Probably the weakest of the Cobra pack. Not a terrible figure. Just not an Alley Viper.

Baroness

I like this figure a hell of a lot more than I thought I would. Every pre-release picture I saw of her gave her a huge bulbous head, and she appeared to have some seriously weird hair. In hand, the figure is not perfect, but much better than expected. Looks wise, she's nowhere near as great a figure as the Paris Pursuit Baroness of last summer (probably the best Baroness figure yet produced).

The proportions are definitely a little off; the arms seem to be a little too long, perhaps, or a too thin. Stick-arms are a common problem throughout multiple Hasbro 3.75" lines, so I suppose we shouldn't be surprised. This Baroness does have one unexpected benefit, though; her skirt is flexible and movable enough that it really doesn't impede her poseability at all.

This is usually the part of the dream where Duke wakes up. Then he spends the rest of the day in a bad mood.

Earlier in the fight, Scarlett took a vicious beating from Baroness's ugly stick.

Anastasia hates it when Destro makes her play 'Matrix.'

It these pistols have a real life hybrid, I have no idea what it is. They're cool nonetheless.

LBAM Rating: Baroness was a surprisingly interesting figure for me. Not perfect, no, but a solid 8/10, missing out on a few points for skinny arms. I actually think the skirt makes her lower body look larger, which sort of throws off the rest of her proportions.

Destro

There are a lot of things to like about this figure. There's nothing bad about it; it's got a great ceremonial/battlefield general look to it. It's well detailed. Repainted in red, it would make a great Crimson Guard officer.

But it just doesn't say Destro to me.

Maybe a vac-metal head would help, but other than the mask this has none of the features I tend to associate with Destro; large gauntlets? Prominent boots? I guess the middle of his collar is meant to be reminiscent of the set ruby that is prominent as either a pendant or a tie pin (in Rise of Cobra) but it would be fairly easy to miss. I enjoy the duel holsters on his belt (my set only came with one pistol for them, I believe) but I've yet to find a pistol that sits in them firmly; their positioning makes it easy to knock them loose.

This Destro does get high marks, however, for his accessories.


This rifle is one of the top two weapons yet created and released by Hasbro since the 25th Anniversary figures debuted. I believe it is an Israeli TAR-21, but if someone with more real world firearms knowledge has a better idea, let me know. Regardless, it is fantastic.

I really, really hope we see many re-releases of that rifle. It's even got fantastic paint apps. But as great as the rifle is, the briefcase is even sexier.

Yeah, it holds a little SMG. Kind of functionality I like. But wait for the real sexy...

Laptop screen that flips up. WONAFNAFPOAMS!? !@ - onomotopoeiac representation of sound I made when I first opened this.

Listen, I know you're thinking it's really sad that a grown man with an expensive education gets so excited about a tiny little laptop screen on a briefcase for an action figure. My response is that I'm probably happier than you are, so nyeah.

Okay, so, great accessories. But what is up with this?

Why?

Why does Destro have a bionic/robotic/prosthesis arm? Has Destro ever shown a proclivity for that? Has it ever been a part of his character? Was it even featured in the film? Is there any reason other than "hey it'd be cool if somebody had a robotic arm, even if it was never any kind of his character before, ever, in any incarnation?" I don't think so. And now, let's be clear here; I'm not against robotic arms. I'm ok with that kind of thing being brought into the Joe verse. But why Destro? Destro is already badass enough as it is. He doesn't need a robotic arm. He'll kick your ass on the battlefield, he'll outmaneuver you in the business world, he'll make better weapons than you, he sleeps with the Baroness, who is hotter than whoever you sleep with, he has an archaic but interesting sense of honor, and he wears a fucking metal mask as a point of family honor stretching back to the seventeenth century. Destro doesn't need a robotic arm to be cool. He already is.

News you can use; both arms pop out of the torso very easily, with only light force that doesn't threaten the integrity of the limbs or the figure. It's got the shoulder joint, elbow hinge and swivel, and no other articulation.
LBAM Rating: 8/10. Only really because of the accessories. I don't like the figure AS Destro, so if he didn't have that awesome rifle, he'd slip to a 7, or perhaps even a 6.5. I think the body would be great if reused on another character. It just isn't Destro.

Firefly

Also a surprise; I expected this figure to be junk. And while it's not the highlight of the set, it's hardly bad, either. They went with a much lighter grey than I had anticipated, and once again, the vest they put on him is awesome. Far superior to the RoC TRU exclusive Firefly of last summer. I'm not crazy about the RoC Flash head they put on him, rather than using one of the Firefly heads laying around, but it gives him a different look.

Still got the crazy eyes, though.

I find myself wondering if this can't stand in as a different character. Some kind of "Firefly's apprentice," or something, because I like it far more than I ought to, but it also isn't as good a Firefly as I've already got (the first 25th Anniversary Firefly to be released is still the gold standard, as far as I'm concerned).

The kind of attention to detail I really like. Even better, on the flip side

I love functional knife sheaths tucked in out of the way places. Once again, I hope we see this vest again on future figures.

Also, they gave the classic Firefly backpack a fresh coat of well-handled, crisp paint apps. Love it.

LBAM Rating: 7.5/10. Not great but certainly not bad, better than I had expected. But what to do with him?

Storm Shadow

Why a giant cowl over top of a mask? Isn't that a little much?

I can sum this figure up for you in three letters: M. E. H.

Seriously, this is probably the most boring version of Storm Shadow that has yet been released.

Yaaay, swords, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, you've got swords. Get over it.

The vest they've put on this guy is so big, so bulky, and so un-detailed that it feels to me like it's from another toy line. Seriously, how can Firefly (and many Joes, coming up tomorrow) get so much attention to the outer wardrobe, and Storm Shadow just gets this useless hunk of crap?

New ink. Bleah.

These are Storm Shadow's accessories. No bow (his signature weapon, something else Resolute and RoC both got wrong) Bleah. What the fuck ever. This figure is just as disappointing as Storm Shadow's (lack of) characterization in Resolute.

LBAM Rating: 4/10. Easily the worst Storm Shadow released since the box sets first appeared, and far and away the worst figure of the Resolute 7 packs.

Zartan

Zartan is so badass, you just shit your pants. Seriously. Check. See? Told ya.

This guy will fuck. you. up. Yeah, the character portrayed in Resolute wasn't Zartan, but his Resolute figure is probably the best yet released (it certainly beats the pants off the Zartan released for Rise of Cobra, a huge disappointment that utterly failed to capture the character on screen). Zartan is made of a fine mix of badass, awesome, win, balls, and tits. And he comes with the best rifle Hasbro has made (yepp, the two best are both in this pack) for these figures.

This guy is awesome. Great armored look, great weapons...he's win win. He's got a great face sculpt, as well. His articulation is stellar. I don't think he fits in with the 25th Dreadnoks (I haven't tried), but I'm not worried...this is a Zartan for the 21st Century.

Even his back is crying out for some awesome backpack or a jetpack or something. I mean come on. He rocks.

I realize I'm not giving you any really useful information here. Here's my information: GO BUY HIM. Even if you don't want the rest of the pack, find a Zartan on ebay or trade for him.

LBAM Rating: 10/10. Yeah, he got short shrift in the actual animated movie. He makes an awesome figure, though. But Resolute Stalker is probably stealing that rifle; I like Zartan with his pistol, more than with a sniper rifle.

Overall, for me this pack is a win: I didn't need the 2nd CC and may look to get rid of it; Baroness and Firefly are better than expected, the 'Alley Viper' is solid but mis-named, Zartan is freaking awesome, and Destro is probably getting a different head and some customization.

Tomorrow: The G.I. Joe 7 pack, and a little bit of thinking on fanboy bitching syndrome.